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中川球童 Nakagawa Kyūdō (1927-2007)

February 12, 1927—December 29, 2007)

Kyudo Nakagawa (February 12, 1927—December 29, 2007), or Nakagawa Kyūdō, was a Japanese-born Rinzai rōshi who for many years led Soho Zen Buddhist Society, Inc. in Manhattan's Lower East Side. A Dharma heir of the late Soen Nakagawa—who is of no familial relation—Kyudo first became a Zen monk at age eight. He undertook Buddhist studies at Japan's renowned Komazawa University and entered Gukei-ji. Then, at age thirty, Kyudo entered Ryutaku-ji temple and trained under Soen Nakagawa. In 1968 he moved to Jerusalem to lead a center Soen had opened in Israel called Kibutsu-ji, where he stayed on for thirteen years. Kyudo then returned to Ryutaku-ji briefly and moved to New York City, where he led the Soho Zen Buddhist Society, Inc. He also made occasional trips to England now and then to lead the London Zen Society. On Soen Nakagawa's death in 1984, Sochu Suzuki Roshi, one of Soen's Dharma heirs, became abbot of Ryutaku-ji. It was after Sochu's death in 1990 that Kyudo assumed the post. He died on December 29, 2007 at the age of eighty. The Soho Zen Buddhist Society, Inc. in Manhattan closed its practice center, the Soho Zendo at 464 West Broadway, following Kyudo's death. Among others, he trained Lawrence Shainberg, author of Ambivalent Zen, which discusses Kyudo's teachings and provides an intimate portrait of this Zen master.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyudo_Nakagawa
http://www.engaged-zen.org/articles/Kyudo.html

Dharma Lineage
A Dharma heir of the late Soen Nakagawa—who is of no familial relation—Kyudo first became a Zen monk at age eight.

白隱慧鶴 Hakuin Ekaku (1686-1769)
峨山慈棹 Gasan Jitō (1727-1797)
卓洲胡僊 Takujū Kosen (1760-1833)
蘇山玄喬 Sosan Genkyō (1798-1868)
伽山全楞 Kasan Zenryō (1824-1893)
宗般玄芳 Sōhan Genhō (1848-1922)
玄峰宜雄 Gempō Giyū (1866-1961)
中川宋淵 Nakagawa Sō'en (1907-1984)
中川球童 Nakagawa Kyūdō (1927-2007)

 

「山色清浄身」sanshoku shōjōshin
"Mountain Color Clean Body"
Calligraphy by Kyudo Nakagawa Roshi

 

PDF: Four Men Shaking
Searching for Sanity with Samuel Beckett, Norman Mailer, and My Perfect Zen Teacher [= Kyudo Nakagawa Roshi]
by Lawrence Shainberg
https://www.shambhala.com/excerpt-four-men-shaking/
“Inexplicably good karma”—to this, author Lawrence Shainberg attributes a life filled with relationships with legendary writers and renowned Buddhist teachers. In Four Men Shaking he weaves together the narratives of three of those relationships: his literary friendships with Samuel Beckett and Norman Mailer, and his teacher-student relationship with the Japanese Zen master Kyudo Nakagawa Roshi. In Shainberg’s lifelong pursuit of both writing and Zen practice, each of these men shaped his experience. The audacious, combative Mailer comes to represent, for Shainberg, the Buddhist concept of "form," while the elusive and self-deprecating Beckett seems to embody an awareness of "emptiness." Through it all is Nakagawa, the earthy, direct Zen master challenging Shainberg to let go of his endless rumination and accept reality as it is.

Over the gates of hell, Dante imagined a sign reading, "Lose hope all ye who enter here." The same sign, with an entirely less gloomy implication, might easily be imagined welcoming newcomers at the Soho Zen Buddhist Association, a four-flight hike up in one of the many converted loft buildings on Manhattan's lower east side.

The four-year-old association is led by Kyudo Nakagawa Roshi, a diminutive, rumble-voiced Zen teacher with a penchant for non-judgmental laughter and an occasional cigarette. Offspring of a father and grandfather who were also Zen teachers, Kyudo Roshi (roshi means "venerable teacher") counts himself as Dharma heir to one of the great Zen masters of modern times, Soen Nakagawa (no relation) Roshi, who died in 1984. (There are two other Zen teachers in America who place themselves in this tradition: the late Maurine Myoon Freedgood Roshi in Cambridge, Mass., and Eido Tai Shimano Roshi in New York City.)

Kyudo Roshi was born Feb. 12, 1927, in Ichijima-cho, outside Kyoto, with the given name of Myosho, a contraction of his father's and grandfather's names. Kyudo is a Dharma, or true, name, given to him by one of his teachers. He became a monk at age eight, studied Buddhism at Komazawa University, trained at Gukei-ji Temple, and at 30, entered Ryutaku-ji Monastery. In 1968, by request, he went to teach on Mount Olive near Jerusalem. There he stayed for 13 years. Then, after a brief return to Ryutaku-ji, he came to New York City. (He is currently abbot of Ryutaku-ji.

All of this background information and more he imparts with good spirit, glasses cocked up on his forehead and an occasion scratch to his shaven skull as he searches for forgotten bits and pieces. Yet when comes to what might be called the meat-and-potatoes questions about Zen practice, as shirt of sorts occurs and answers grow seemingly more suggestive, more subtly redolent Š as if, through an open window in Spring, the smell of some uncapturable and wonderful cooking has come from afar on a soft breeze.

Q: What is Zen?
A. Sleeping, talking, laughing - that's all.

Q. In which case, why do we need zendos (meditation halls) where silence and stillness are the general rule?
A. If you want to go to Washington, D.C., you ask, "What train can I take?" They say, "Platform Three." Teachers can only guide. They cannot teach the truth. It's like us: We're sitting here drinking tea. I cannot explain the taste to you You drink and I drink. You say, "This tea is about this - tastes such-and-such a way." And I say, "Yes," because I am drinking the same tea.

Originally, I didn't like philosophy of theory - so much talk. In the Soto sect [a branch of Zen], they say, "Daily life is Zen. Zen is daily life." But my opinion is that without knowing the fundamental point of view, you cannot discover your own true nature. Then reading a book is Zen, drinking tea is Zen, and talking Zen is also true Zen.

Q. Why should we practice?
A. Without practice, it's only intellectual. Without training, you can't do it. The intellectual point of view is the superficial point of view. For example, you drink tea and I drink tea. I may say it's sweet, but how sweet you don't know until you taste it. This is the direct was of knowing. Zen is direct knowing.

Q. Is Zen religion?
A. If I say "no," then others say, "Ah, Zen is not religion." If I say yes, they say, "Ah, Zen is religion." I can't really say yes or no, but Zen is mostly religion. Zen is religion without the dualistic point of view.

Q. Does Zen have one point of view? Is it monistic?
A. Maybe the best way to say it is pointless point. The most important thing in Zen is Buddha mind. Most people think Buddha is the Buddha statue or the historical Buddha. But the most important thing is universal mind or Zen mind or Buddha mind or the essence. Most people look to the Buddha statue or cross or some object. These are symbols. Symbols are made in the head. Can symbols make you happy? No.

Q. Who or what is Buddha?
A. Don't ask! This is a great koan [intellectually insoluble riddle like, "what is the sound of one hand clapping?"]. I'm now going to answer. Please discover for yourself. Please discover yourself.
Of course the original meaning of Buddha is liberator from attachment or self, but most people think of a statue of Shakyamuni Buddha. If you are liberated from everything, then you become a Buddha. Much better than a statue.

Q. Are the approaches to Zen different in Japan and America?
A. NOOOOOO! Everyone has happy time. Everyone is laughing!

Q. C'mon roshi! This is an interview.
A. You're making it very hard. Superficially, American habit and language is different, but the essence is no different. I give you an example. When I got to Israel, it was 2 a.m. Next day, I went to the zendo. All the parishioners were Arabic. There was a rooster outside going cock-a-doodle-doo. Japanese rooster does exactly the same cock-a-doodle-doo. Japanese rooster and Arabic rooster are exactly the same. Superficially, human beings have a different language from roosters and cats and pigeons. Pigeons, roosters, cats and children all cry the same. Each country is different, but the essence is the same.

Q. How would you encourage people?
A. Without encouragement, you cannot do anything. But encouragement is an emotional point. Encouragement must be mental. You must do it yourself. You must transcend encouragement and no encouragement.

Q. But there is a zendo here and people come - isn't that a form of encouragement?
A. Here we study daily life. You need to be cheerful, courageous and patient. When these things are achieved, there's no need to study Zen.

Q. Some people, when they begin practice, feel there's a goal.
A. NO GOAL! NOOOOOOO! Goal is limited. In one way, this is very hard: from beginning to end, no goal. On the other hand, it's very easy: no goal. No goal (long laugh) very easy. Of course, it's hard for beginners. They come with hope. Without hope there would be no beginning. Hope at the beginning is OK. After three years, it's not so necessary. It becomes easy.

Q. What is the function of zazen [roughly, seated meditation, the core practice of Zen]?

A. Zazen is so you can realize your truth.

Q. From a newcomer's point of view, it's hard to understand how sitting down cross-legged, sitting straight and still and silent, will do the trick.
A. It's very hard for a newcomer. Hope is in the head. But practice (zazen) is with the whole body. There may be hope, but then all of a sudden the legs start to ache [from sitting cross-legged for an extended period]. This tells you that hope is limited.

Q. What is the most important aspect of practice?
A. Daily life.

Q. A lot of people walk the streets who might agree that daily life is most important, yet they have no interest in Zen.
A. Many who get up in the morning, brush their teeth, walk to work - they are following what is outside.

Q. What would a Zen student do?
A. Create the outside.

Q. How?
A. If you want to know, do zazen.

Q. Does Zen make you happy?
A. In the beginning, not so happy. Pain, headache, not enough sleep. Suffering.

Q. And then?
A. Then happy. You cannot compare, but there must be patience. Without courage and without cheer, we cannot do it.

Q. Who is the teacher?
A. Except me, everything is the teacher.

Q. Many revere a person or a book as teacher.
A. Yes. A person or book or flower or cat or even a cockroach. Except me, everything is the teacher.

Q. Yet in Buddhism, there is a tradition of veneration for the teacher. What does this mean?
A. The teacher doesn't say you must do anything. Nobody is teaching. Nobody asks.

Q. Even in the zendo?
A. Here too. I don't say you should sit like this or sit like that [during zazen]. No. If they want to sit, they come here. Sometimes they're sleepy so I stimulate them. I stimulate them for zazen. If I say this tea is food and you say no, I cannot force you to take it. If you do not trust the doctor or nurse when you're sick, you cannot help yourself. If you don't believe or trust, there is no help.

Q. For beginners, would you give a brief description of Buddha, Dharma [truth or phenomena], and Sangha [the community of students]?
A. Some questions I won't answer.

Q. Why?
A. You know, if you ask me for salad, I give you salad. If you ask for beef, I give you beef. Then you are satisfied.

Q. Yet at the beginning of practice, it may be hard if there is nowhere to hold on. Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha sometimes offer a place to hold on, however false.
A. When I was in Israel, everyone was Jewish or Christian. They didn't like it much so I didn't talk about those things. If you have a question about Dharma, then I can answer.

Q. What is Dharma?
A. Talking (long laugh). In theory, Dharma is universal law. Unchanging. Cannot be changed. Changing law is not Dharma. From before the universe was born, there was Dharma. For a lot of people, though, Dharma is like philosophy. The say, "Dharma is this and Buddha is that."

Q. What is enlightenment?
A. I don't know. Most people think "I don't know" means limitation. This is a dualistic point of view. But truly, truly you don't know.

Q. What is delusion?
A. Habit. It's limited. But enlightenment is unlimited. Unlimited is truly "I don't know."

Q. Some people would like to improve themselves with spiritual practice, to get better.
A. If the desire to become better disappears, then they will become better.

Q. What is the difference between laymen and monks?
A. Same. Two arms, two legs, two eyes. Same. Superficially, yes, there are differences. Monks shave their heads. But inside, your pure mind - comparisons cannot be made. Male, female, young, old - no difference.

Q. What is a koan?
A. Traditionally, there are 1,700 koans. It means a question. All koans ask for your essential point of view. [The 18th century teacher] Hakuin codified the tradition of 1,700 koans. But the original koan is everyday life. Every second is a koan. Buddha did not study 1,700 koans.

Q. What of traditional study - the philosophy and stories of the past Zen masters?
A. Stories stimulate for zazen so telling them may be OK for a while.

Q. Yet some in this country dislike the bowing and chanting and other practices that are traditional in Japan.
A. Here I don't use such things. After 13 years in Israel, automatically I don't use them.

Q. Do student problems vary from Japan to the U.S.?
A. Well, Americans always seem to want to know the theory, the philosophy first. Maybe the Japanese are more willing to just practice and find out.

Q. Across this country in the past several years, there have been a number of roshis who have been involved in what some said were scandals - sexually manipulating students, collecting power, living very expensive lives, drinking too much, lying and that sort of thingŠ.
A. Politicians are the same, aren't they?

Q. Yes, but in this country, we expect it of politicians. But if a spiritual teacher lies, the reaction among his students is likely to be one of surprise and hurt.
A. I wish I could answer. I don't know about these things. All I know is that I am not interested in power and money. Well, maybe I am a little interested in money (laughs) but it isn't coming. It costs $20,000 a year [to run the zendo]. But about these things, I don't know. In my opinion, maybe it's a matter of background. Too many desires.

Q. What does "Kyudo" mean?
A. It means Universal Child. Too strong. The name is too strong. Much stronger than I am. I am getting weak. You know, western people seek out names like Jesus or Mohammed. They want a holy man name. But in Japan, such names are not used. David and Abraham and such wonderful powerful names. In Japan, we don't use such names because it makes a loss of virtue. Too strong. Much too strong. Universal Child. Ha!

Fourth day Teisho
One-Week Memorial Day Holiday Sesshin, May 27-June 3, 1983
by Kyudo Nakagawa Rōshi
http://www.engaged-zen.org/articles/Kyudo.html

Gateless Gate, Case 9: "A monk asked Seijo Osho, 'Buddha Daitsū Chishō sat in zazen for ten kalpas and could not realize any attainment of Buddhahood. He did not become Buddha. How could this be?' Seijo said: 'Your question is quite self-explanatory.' The monk asked, 'He meditated so long -- why could he not fulfill Buddhahood?' Seijo said, 'Because he did not become a Buddha.'"

Understand? No? Yes? No? All right? Buddha. [If] You don't like Buddha, don't like Buddha. No connection you and Buddha. Your question is quite self-explanatory. He meditated so long, why could he not fulfill Buddhahood? Because he did not become Buddha. All right. Daitsū Chishō sat for ten kalpas, a long, long time. He never became Buddha. Why? Pure gold cannot become pure gold again.

You have your own idea about God. I will not talk about God; I don't know what is God. But Buddha ... Buddha. Yes, some Tibetan or Burmese or Indians do. There are only 0.18% Buddhists in India. Most are Hindu or Islamic. Hindu is about 80% of India. In Bodhgaya also, only the main hall, very tine, like this place, only the main building belongs to Buddhists. But outside, surrounding buildings are Hindu. Hindu monks, I don't know -- monks or priests -- but Hindu, they took over.

In 1970, we visited Bodhgaya. I used monk robes. A yellow-robed Hindu monk touched my sleeve. I asked what he wanted. He said he wanted a tip. In Japan also at many monasteries or temples, monks get sightseeing courses and every day they collect money from tourists. As you know, all sentient beings are primarily all Buddhas. Even if Buddha wanted to become a Buddha, this would already be an attachment, already a selfish desire. Many times, I've explained to you what it means to be a Buddha: To liberate your selfish or dualistic or ego mind -- that's becoming a Buddha.

Poem:

The body cannot become the Buddha
The heart cannot become the Buddha.
Only what cannot become the Buddha
Can become the Buddha.

OK. Understand? No? Yes? The body cannot become the Buddha, the heart, or spirit, or mind cannot become the Buddha. Only what cannot become the Buddha can become Buddha. OK? You know Daitsū Chishō -- "Dai" means "great;" "Chisho" means wisdom. Great is Dai, "tsu" is "pervades the whole universe;" "Chisho" is "greatest wisdom." Greatest wisdom. Daitsū Chishō now becomes your "Mu." Only the expression changes. Your essential nature, your human nature, your universal nature -- these are only expressions. Sometimes it's Mu, sometimes it's "what is this?" Sometimes it's "the sound of one hand voice," sometimes it's Buddha, sometimes it's cat, sometimes it's oak tree. In Zen point, there are no special fixed words. Anytime, anything can be picked up and showed directly. You know, such a person can become a Buddha or cannot become a Buddha -- this Soho Zendo is Daitsū Chishō -- greatly pervades, wonderful wisdom -- but automatically you compare your God, saying "My God is most powerful, most strong, most envious, most helpful. Soon you automatically make comparisons between your God and Buddha. Therefore, sometimes you are missing.

Zen point only explains about your nature, your self-nature. The Heart Sutra, the Great Compassionate One, or Diamond Sutra -- all sutras are explanations about your essential nature, your heart, pure spirit. Someone in Israel said to me, "Roshi,  you're always make the same point." Of course I am. Each time the point changes, that's not Zen.

If you have some special idea that this sentence should be like this and that sentence should be like that, you are confused. All koans, ten years old, or Japanese or Americans or French or Israeli or English or Indian or Egyptian -- all make the same point in answering a koan. Nobody teaches them, but the point is always the same. Habits, mentalities differ, but the essential point is always the same. Nobody asks how, but the same answer always comes out spontaneously. Winter is cold. For an Egyptian, winter is also cold. In China also, winter is cold. To a Japanese, winter is also cold. Sugar is sweet. Even communists have to say that. Communists, whether they believe in God or not, have to acknowledge that sugar is sweet. Believe in God or not ... I don't believe in God or anything ... I don't know. Hungry time, I eat. Today I ate mushroom and rice. Nice. Without religion or with religion, there's no connection: Hungry time, just eat.

Children are very pure. You think in paradise after you die, you can go to paradise. No, no. This three-dimensional world itself is a paradise world. Soon you compare black and white, plus and minus, day and night, rich and poor, male and female. Everything is the phenomenal world of course. But from the essential point of view, there are no distinctions. You cannot compare anything. Even "I got enlightenment" -- this is still bean paste. The smell of this expression is like bean paste which, when it isn't good any more, smells. Similarly, you think, "Ah, this man is orthodox, religious." That means a smell is still coming out and he isn't the real one.  Therefore ordinary persons or holy persons cannot be distinguished, judged. "Ah, he is religious, he is a scholar, he is a little bit stupid, he is stingy, he is stubborn ...." Still a smell comes out. Sometimes even a too honest person can be cheated: "Ah, he's too honest. I'll cheat him a little," people think. And you have no judgment. Pushing, you can be moved. In the beginning, you say "no" and after a little pushing, you say, "Yes." You have no determination.

In your zazen, too, you must determine: "OK, I'll sit this time." Then there's a little pain and you think, "This time, forget it. Next time." It's always changing. One time, only half an hour ... I want to sit forty-five minutes. Some people need only half an hour because they have a quick motor and can start up right away. Some others have a motor that's too slow. Ten minutes or twenty minutes later, it's BRRRRROOOOOM! Some have a small motor with a higher sounding brrrroooom. Here too, in the garage outside, some cars have a long time getting started. Then, finally, brrrrooooom! You know, the garbage-collecting trucks have very powerful motors. Zazen also ... good is when half an hour is too short. Slowly, slowly I'll change it. Already Soho Zendo for almost one year and five months, we've been doing half-hour sittings. But I'll change that. Slowly, slowly. Not immediately. First two minutes, then three minutes, then one week later, five minutes. Because your body already knows. Automatically your body knows.

Here, nobody complains. In Israel, they complain, "Roshi, in that last sitting, you went three minutes over." I said, "How do you know?" "I know!" he says, "I'm always watching." I don't want to influence your zazen condition. Before I left for Israel, Soen Roshi told me: "You can't sit anymore with a group." Because I must watch the clock, another two minutes ... it's very hard. In the monastery also, the zendo head monk, the jikijitsu, he must always watch the clock. Not always. Monks don't care. One hour, two hours, that's also OK. But half an hour isn't enough. In some monasteries, they sit for only twenty-five minutes. But the standard sitting time is the length of one long incense stick, about forty-five, fifty minutes. But the human being's attention span cannot last for over one hour. Human attention span is forty-five or fifty minutes. Therefore, one can't keep up one's attention for over an hour. Already, it's like climbing a mountain and going down, or hiking. Forty-five or fifty minutes of climbing is fine, but then it's uh-oh!

Human beings too. In their life span ... at sixty, you've climbed the mountain. Originally, senior citizens were sixty-five or sixty-two-- mentally and physically. Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven -- it's downhill from there automatically. The destination becomes the cemetery.

In the beginning, I was young and excited. I rode my motorcycle ... all upward, then it's down, down into a hole in the earth. Time and space is like this. But if one time, like Daitsū Chishō, you discover your true nature, you can settle everywhere, everywhere. Even if an atomic bomb exploded, you could say, "Oh, beautiful!" As the fireworks did in the Brooklyn Bridge celebration the other day. This is in zazen, this is everywhere, like fireworks -- POP!

When I was eighteen or nineteen years old, I was in the navy, stationed very close, almost forty kilometers distant from Hiroshima. The atomic bomb exploded. I was sleeping in the morning. I didn't know what time because I didn't have a watch. It was after night exercises. I was eighteen. Someone tried waking me to tell me the B-29's were coming. The B-29's were not so important to me. Sleep was more important. Then the explosion came. It burned my face. It was summertime, my face suffered much heat. My eyes were blinded by the flash. Then I saw the bright orange color.

You know, your human nature, too, is very strong. Under the earth there is very hard rock ... when this one explodes, it's more powerful than an atomic bomb, than nuclear war. This rock can be exploded by Mu on your cushion. This one can't be compared to anything, there is no comparison ... completely free. Therefore there is no need to want to become a Buddha. You are like a mean spirit, a beggar spirit that wants and wants. I want enlightenment, I want this, I want that. You want or you don't want, but you die. If you don't want to die, you die on your cushion. This time. You never get two times. Only one time.

Buddha statues are on the altar here. From time to time these Buddha statues get thirsty, so I put water in front of them; from time to time they get hungry, so I serve them rice. Sometimes I give them a flower. OK. But these are dead Buddhas, they aren't active Buddhas. But at least they don't get angry. Originally, the active, most valuable Buddha is you yourself. Everyone is a holy man, a holy lady. Therefore, there is no need for hesitation or pride or complaining. Even complaining is your nature. And hating and fighting and standing up and sitting down and eating. Every step, every minute is the greatest Buddha. But to you, during zazen in sesshin, you want to talk, but when you don't talk, you help each other. Sesshin time we have only one bathroom. It's inconvenient, but you must learn how to make it convenient for everyone. This is sesshin. Sesshin doesn't mean air conditioning and five-star hotel and self-service meals. No need. Sesshin is supposed to be inconvenient. Your daily life is the same: Your physical dimensional world. But sesshin allows the entire three-dimensional world to become the essence in the Soho Zendo. There is therefore no need to complain. Just learn how to manage. After sutra chanting, we recite the dedication. It isn't for Buddha. That dedication explains your essential nature. That's why it says, "Pure nature pervades the whole universe." Then, endless dimensions, universal life. That is your essence. Bodhidharma and Hakuin just explained our true human nature, our true human being. It's not looking outside. The looking mind is already the troublemaker. Looking where? This looking-around person is himself the True Man.

God never becomes God. Mu, Mu, Mu ... or sound of one-hand voice, or front garden oak tree. This is all just directly pointing to your essential nature. Don't touch words. You cannot pick up your essential nature. You can pick up form. With a pincer, you can pick up this or that thing. Dust becomes dust? No! Dust is dust. Perfect, completely dust -- as it is. Even a cockroach is perfect. Even the ring of the telephone.

Day before yesterday, it rained and the telephone went dead, out of order. Last night again it rained and the telephone again started working. How come? I don't know. And truly if you discover the Dharma, as yesterday there was a thunderstorm and heavy rain, the earth got wet, but now the sun is out and it's warm -- nothing special, nothing special. But you, if something good happens, you say, "I'm so lucky." Well, lucky time is lucky and unlucky time is unlucky -- nothing special about that either. But most are blocked in their near future, thinking, "If I do it, it'll be good." But nobody knows the future. You ought to have no fixed idea, formless mind, endless mind, unlimited, no color, completely free. Therefore, you don't know tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, you can make plans. But tomorrow is without expectation. You figure, today is sesshin fourth day, another fifth, sixth, three days more. Already up the mountain past half way, starting at the top of the mountain today in the afternoon. Tomorrow, it's downhill. June 3 until four o'clock. On June third, everyone will be smiling, you won't need much sleep. Already today after lunch, not so many people will want a nap. On the first or second day, already you were mentally tired. Now your sutra-chanting voice is nice, like the weather. Your voices reflect your physical and mental state, your body and mind are now in "sesshin condition." In roller skating too, you practice, practice. Ice skating ... everything. Watch the U.S. ice skating championship. Even from the age of six they start practicing.

In your essential nature, true Dharma,  nothing disappears. Therefore, it says "true Dharma continues, sangha relations become complete ...." These words all explain your essential mind. True mind can't be compared to anything. Therefore Buddha cannot become Buddha. If Buddha became Buddha, or a cockroach could become Buddha ... a cockroach doesn't know what is Buddha. In the monastery there were a lot of cockroaches. During sleeping time, they used to run on our bald heads. Nobody taught those roaches how to escape with the light on. They just knew. Pigeons, they always travel in pairs. Nobody teaches them that, they just do it automatically. Male and female pairs. If you want to keep pigeons, you'd better bring the first pigeon a partner or the original pigeon will disappear. If you've go three -- male, female and female -- bring in another one and keep four. Nobody teaches them how to live together in wisdom, compassion ... I don't know.

It's like our nature, which is automatically filled with wisdom. Essential nature, your own nature itself, its capacity is automatically "wisdom." You have wisdom and compassion quite automatically. But if you are filled with much attachment and haven't got enough training, you will miss it. Originally, though, it's your capacity; an open heart is automatically that so-called Buddha. But a closed heart, closed by all the dualistic mind, can't realize this ... although that closed mind itself is originally Buddha. But if you realize even one time that the closed mind is Buddha, yes, there it is open. A stubborn person is also reflecting Buddha activity. But if one time you realize this, then every situation becomes Buddha. "In any place, in any event, in any moment, none can be other than the marvelous revelation of its glorious light." This glorious light is not like the sun -- you yourself are the glorious light, you are luminous -- more than the synagogue or church before ceremonies when they are filled with candle light. They tell you if you believe in God, God will bring light into your heart. Your heart itself is this candle. There's no need to bring light from outside into it. You yourself are it. When you stand up, the candle light stands: There is no difference. But your candle light, being unknown, is melted, dark. Still your nature itself is unlimited, permanent. But when I say permanent, you start calculating -- maybe five hundred years, maybe two thousand ... no, no: It's unlimited. This one is the so-called Buddha. If you don't like Buddha, then any name is OK. The name you put on it is OK. Just don't touch the name.

He meditated so long, so long ... one second of Muuuuuu, just Muuuuu. But you want it to be Buddha, the holy man, the one who can do everything. You can do everything -- you. You think, "I can't do anything." I cannot drive a car. I can cannot drive a car. Therefore I take a taxi. If someone can do it by hard effort, then they can do it. If someone cannot do it with hard effort, then they cannot do it. There's no distinction. Someone may become rich, someone cannot become rich. But don't settle down thinking, "I'm OK." That's already an attachment. "Already I got enlightenment, great enlightenment..." -- that's settling, that's attachment.

In the Blue Rock first case: Buddha, do not know. If Buddha knew himself, we couldn't call him Buddha. If Buddha does not know what is Buddha, then this one is the so-called Buddha. But ordinary people, they know, therefore there's attachment. Of course in the three-dimensional world, some know, some don't. But in the essential point, knowing and not knowing have no connection.

Yesterday I told you this -- it's all connected. Before sitting, you think, "I must have a good sitting, I must have enlightenment, I must have no pain." Already you are limiting yourself, expecting something -- it's already not pure. So, pain or not pain, just sitting with "oh pain!" -- that's the great Buddha. No need "Buddha," just "oh pain!" Even though the word is pain already before it comes out, you have the feeling of pain. The word is different from the feeling. But the point cannot be explained; the essence can't be explained in words. The substance is without explanation.

Always I tell you, theory or philosophy or categories many times are filled with contradictions. But truth or your experience contains no contradictions at all. Ikkyu said, "I'd like to offer you something, but in Dharma sect, there is nothing at all." Nothing and therefore free. Even not holding anything. If I ring this bell, then just ding! But you are very intelligent and you start reasoning, "He touched that bell with the stick and that brought about the sound, touching and sound are related" and on and on. If I stopped to make such theories, I couldn't ever listen to the sound itself. Or you start analyzing the condition of your ear, maybe "something is wrong that I don't hear it."  Each one of you is different, but the sound itself is no different. Happy. No Buddha or not Buddha. Just ding! Dong! Whether an enlightened or an unenlightened person is listening, it's just ding, dong. Complete and direct. This is completely free. But you are full of discouragement. You're like babies. If I give you chocolate, you smile. If there's no chocolate, you cry, "Mommy!" Human beings.

But still, in this world it's OK. Chocolate is easy. But if you hold something in your head and make it more and more complicated, it's like touching the pure water, stirring it and making the mud come up. Originally, this mud water itself is pure. But you separate mud water from pure water. I like pure and I don't like mud water. But this mud water is Buddha. As Buddha said, standing, sitting ... we are like a lotus flower -- without mud, it cannot grow. But it isn't influenced by the mud. Many people are influenced by the environment. Someone may have a very hard life, therefore he should use that hardship more and more in hard effort, the he can make it a happy life. Some complain about their lives and become more and more discouraged, fall deeper and deeper into a dark world and they start disturbing others. Some say, "I have an unhappy life, so I must exert even more effort." Such people can understand what others are feeling. There are many different experiences about zazen, about your life, your relationships, your work, your family ... all these, polish, polish, polish. In the midst of polishing time is the real Mu.

One day in Israel, I was sick with diarrhea. Every fifteen minutes I had to rush to the toilet. I was traveling by taxi to Haifa from Jerusalem -- one hour and fifty minutes. A young driver took an hour and a half. An old driver took two hours. I couldn't get out of the cab. I was sitting there with seven other people, controlling my diarrhea. I wanted to test my religious strength. I am a third-generation Buddhist priest. If Buddha would help me ... I repeated the Kannon sutra, then Namu Dai Bosa. But the diarrhea wouldn't stop, was already down at the anus. I couldn't hold it any more for another forty minutes, so I told the driver to please stop. Then, near the airport, I searched for a house. An Arab house, then an Israeli house, but both said, "no." I couldn't do anything. So I found a corner near an electric pole. Six or seven children gathered around me shouting, "Japanese!" I didn't care at that point. But I had no paper. What could I do? I could only use my underpants. The children stood there laughing and pointing at me. I didn't care. Then the driver started blowing the horn, calling me to hurry. I discovered paradise then, that paradise, great paradise was going to the toilet. Holding diarrhea is very hard. Even though I trusted my family tradition, the fact that I am a religious, that this time Buddha or my God would help ... well, nothing helped. Just going into that corner and shitting, that was paradise. I discovered that I must take care of myself, that belief or not belief didn't count, that only action helped. I was stupid to test Buddha to help in a hard time. Buddha said, "No! You go shitting!" Temporary faith is nothing. Trust or no trust, it isn't enough. Only trust yourself: I can do it. If you think, "I'll do as much as possible, that's only half trust. You can't do it. You must think,  "I can do it! I will do it. I must do it" with great determination. Automatically, with patience -- not instantly, not quickly, quickly. Instant coffee and real coffee are different. If you use real coffee more and more, your taste gets better and better. Instant is limited. Instant human being too. Not enough experience, not enough life, not enough suffering -- there's no compassion or wisdom in such people. Such people automatically don't care about other people ... only care for themselves and become egoistic. When egoistic people want others to help them, no help comes because they haven't helped anyone. That's cause and effect. Afterward, sometimes it happens that such a person gets a lot of help, and they wonder what they did to deserve it. But it's because of their parents and grandparents ... an eggplant seed can only develop into an eggplant.

So if you have children, a family, your own life, you must cultivate your secret virtue, cultivate helping others, open your heart. Try it for over three years. It's very hard. But you must use patience and bravery and you must keep at it. True Dharma is endless. When you discover true Dharma, you discover that it and you yourself are the same. Unchanging, unlimited, no form, no color -- the whole universe, and completely free.

Even outside in the garage at seven, you hear the motors of the old cars, think of it as beautiful music from the voice of a great singer. If you think of it as a terrible sound, that it keeps you from sleeping, that you have to get up at 4:15 the next morning, then more and more you can't sleep. If you can't sleep, sit in zazen. If someone is sleeping there, then sit in the kitchen. If you can't sleep, keep your hand on your low belly and breathe Mu straight down your legs. In two or three minutes you'll automatically fall asleep. Sesshin first day and sesshin fourth day -- automatically, you get healthier, less pain.

You cannot imagine it. This world is the same. You cannot imagine what will happen. If you imagine, hold onto ideas, fixed ideas can make imagination, dream. Mu, Mu, Mu can awaken you from your dreams. Open your true eye. Open your heart.

Appreciating Your Life
A Talk Given in August, 1986 by Kyudo Nakagawa Roshi
Recorded and transcribed by Adam Genkaku Fisher
http://www.engaged-zen.org/articles/Kyudo.html

Tonight, I'm very sorry -- downstairs, on the third floor, they're having a party -- a musician and two singers. About four o'clock, I got their message. I can't complain. Most times, they are a very nice young couple. Today, they're having a big party. If you're not attached to music, then the music gets quieter and quieter. But if you're against it, then it gets worse. If you're against it -- noisy! noisy! noisy! -- always against sound, then it gets worse. During zazen (when it gets worse) thoughts are coming -- "I want to throw them out, etc." -- more and more thoughts come.

Anyway, today I want to talk about "appreciate your life." Appreciation. Appreciation for your life or my life. Many people dislike (hate) their lives. (They're always asking) "How come I was born in such and such a family? How come my family's so poor? How come my brain's not so sharp? I want things more peaceful. I want a happier life. I want a better job."

If you keep looking at things from a dualistic point of view like this, you will come to hate each other. But one day you will discover through your zazen or through your daily life the truth of the absolute infinite. (In this way) Automatically you (will come to) appreciate your situation, your condition, your position ... your place ... so-called "in any event, in any moment, in any place." Most times -- me too -- (we're asking) how come things are this way or that. This is the dualistic point of view. But when you truly discover yourself, you will find that everything comes out of yourself and it is a wonderful life, wonderful job, wonderful apartment, wonderful family, wonderful friends ... everything automatically appreciate or thank-you-very-much.

But in this world, only human beings can discriminate and they end up hating. They hate each other. Some people hate themselves. Some people become nihilists. "I don't like life (they say). How come I'm not a respected human being?" Some people wish they were born in some other place or at another time. They want better karma. But you don't need better karma. You were born male. Or born female. This is the superficial point of view. But from the essential point of view, your nature itself, you are not male, not female. From the narrow, egotistical point of view, everything is tiny, tiny. When you look at things from this point of view, everything becomes sad. When you take this point of view, you may think nihilistic. Everything is so sad. You waste time this way, hating people, hating yourself. This is the way to create an unhappy life.

On the other hand, if you appreciate you're born a human being, automatically you will have a happier life, a more sincere life. This is the natural, the essential point of view -- to appreciate.

But some people only have an intellectual appreciation. (They say true) Nature is like this or like that. Compassion is this way or that. This is the intellectual point of view.  No-o! In this way the intellectual nature covers over (and hides your true nature. Our true nature is not something that is missing. Everyone has it. Kindness, bravery, wisdom, appreciation, compassion, ten precepts -- everything. But most people cover this up with the ego point of view -- selfish discrimination limits everything. From there, you get more and more lazy and at the same time wish more and more for a happy life. But you can't do it this way. It's cause and effect. You can't do it. Well, maybe you can do it in this life. But it won't work in your entire life. You think maybe your life is only 80 years. But no, it doesn't work that way. It keeps going. Some day you have to pay for this. And also maybe your husband or wife, your parents or children -- maybe they'll be paying for you.

OK, so you do zazen and you get a more and more sad feeling. This isn't real zazen. No. If you do zazen, automatically you get more joyful. More happy feeling. More light feeling. More free and fresh. But many people misunderstand zazen. They think zazen is dull and you're watching and something comes and they sit around watching with a stupid mentality. Then the pain comes and they think something and then, when the pain goes, they fall asleep and think it's paradise.

It's like this. If you become a senior citizen -- I've got another five or six years -- your life (your eyes, your ears, your nose, your stomach, your blood circulation) never gets tired. No. Only from the superficial point of view -- 65 years old and you retire. Then you get discounts in movie theaters and on the buses. But this is the superficial point of view. Your stomach doesn't retire, your eyes don't retired. What happens if your heart foes on strike for two minutes? Think about it. You think there's a lot of time? You know, I met a very famous musician once, an Italian. He said to me, "Roshi, time is unlimited." Well, two years later he was dead. I'm very sorry. Time and space without you never pass, never comes, never goes. Everything comes out of you. Sunrise, sunset, four seasons come and go, surrounding you -- your apartment, your family -- this part is shaking. Not like the Mexico earthquake, no. But it never stops. Mexico or Japan, they have many earthquakes. You can't escape. But here too -- shaking -- you never settle down yourself. You are confused and you want help. (But the limited point of view) cannot help. So maybe you go to a psychoanalyst or psychotherapist or something. But you know, I have a friend who says that 80 or 90 percent of these people (doctors and Ph.D.'s) are not normal (themselves). Like a medicine doctor. Sometimes they make things worse. They give you an injection, maybe, or maybe they examine you and tell you something and then you become nervous.

But you know, if a patient comes, I must do something. One time I was very tired and I went to a doctor near Washington Square. I was sick or something. He put a wire (on my chest) and I said, "What are you doing?" But you know, if the doctor does something, then the patient is satisfied. I was too. I said, "thank you." OK. In one way, maybe in one way, maybe he's helping me and I appreciate it. But he took an X-ray and took blood and nothing showed up and I paid $150. Very expensive. But there is the physical and mental point of view. My body maybe wants the doctor. But maybe I hold on to my pride thinking "I am a special, religious person -- I don't need a doctor. Inside, you want to go to the doctor, but you keep your pride. This is no good. Not good to hold on. If something is wrong, you should go to the doctor. He says this or that. You should say, "thank you very much." And if you need more examinations, you should go. It's not good to be attached to your body. When you get sick, don't go around saying, "I'm a Zen monk. I hate doctors." No. I love doctors. Of course if I'm sick I'm going to the doctor. It's no good having a rigid mind -- I'm a Zen monk or something like that. No. A flexible mind is better. If you're sick, you go. If you take it too seriously, you're creating darkness in your life. Your mind does that.

You spend 50 years joyful, happy, cheerful or you can spend 50 years being gloomy. The feeling is different. We have no guarantee that we'll meet each other in our next life. No guarantee. In your own life, you have to pay off your guilt, pay for your sins -- we have a lot of sinful karma. Nobody helps. Nobody can help -- you just have to pay.

I have a friend who is very serious about her macrobiotic diet. Very serious. She lost fifteen pounds and is very skinny. She told me, "Roshi, if you're afraid of cancer, you must eat brown rice. And if you continue to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, you'll have high blood pressure. If you eat brown rice, everything will disappear." I don't know. But if you believe brown rice, (then) brown rice automatically becomes God or Buddha. And you trust it. Soen Roshi also trusted brown rice. But Kozen-san and Sochu-san and me (board of director monks at Ryutaku-ji monastery) -- Soen Roshi was pushing. Kozen said, "Yes. Yes." But Sochu-san (and me) said, "No. I don't like it." Soen Roshi was very patient. After three years, he brought it up again -- we should eat brown rice. I said no. He said, three years ago you were against brown rice. No you must listen to my advice. I said OK. It was hard, but I ate it for two years. Then I got to be head cook. The day I took over, I said "It's over. Finished! From today, no more brown rice." Soen Roshi asked at lunch, "What happened?" Someone told him, "It's finished. No more brown rice."

You have to know how brown rice is better. I won't explain. Brown rice is original rice -- the way rice was originally. Now, everything becomes original. A lot of restaurants are offering natural foods, no chemicals. Cabbage, tomatoes, potatoes -- it's all expensive, but people don't trust other foods. But you know, a lot of these people in health food stores, they're cheating. For example, Bancha -- it's the cheapest most terrible tea, but it's being sold as health food. All the time making money. And the people don't know the truth. They buy Bancha and it's very expensive. They buy it because someone says it's health food. Very expensive. In Japan, it's very cheap. It's like the people selling earrings out on West Broadway. They may look like gold, but they only cost two or three dollars. It looks like gold, but it isn't.

It's the same with human beings. From the intellectual point of view, things seem one way. But from the experience point of view, it's quite different. It's like knowing the recipe for a good French sauce. Maybe you know with our good memory how it's done, but when I say, "please do it," you say, "I'm sorry, I don't know how." Zazen too. Sometimes you come and during the day you've been very busy taking care of everything -- eating, business and so on. Very busy. Of course you have to do your job, but then you come here and waste time thinking of pizza or Pepsi Cola or something. You know, if you can't sleep at night, you get up and DO SOMETHING. You do something. You think when you like in bed that you're wasting time, so you get up and do something. Wasting time.

Time. Originally, you know, time is timeless time. But many people are following time. In this way you make confusion in your life. Automatically, you should appreciate your life. Thank you very much. Appreciate your parents, appreciate your god, appreciate your brothers, appreciate your job. Now I can buy a nice car. Someone can buy a nice car. Someone cannot buy a nice car. This is not different. You know, I think that someday there won't be any cars. Maybe someday everybody will have a helicopter or something. Maybe in a hundred or two hundred years.

Anyway, life is getting more and more complicated. We need a third eye (to watch it all), to open here (forehead). But this is the present. August fourth or fifth, I forget. The present. It's the time to be more sincere. More honest. You should do it. All your organs are helping your life -- heart, kidney, liver. Your body is helping your life. You help your body. Don't separate. You have a good life. Don't discourage yourself with your opinions and egoistic mind. "How come this and how come that?" No. These head ideas are all dreams. You think you have to hold onto something -- all these head thoughts. Even when you go out, you hold on to something. All those habits. But the best is an empty hand. Someone asked Dogen-zenji when he came back (from China) to Japan, "What did you bring back?" Dogen-zenji said, "I brought back nothing. I only realized the empty hand." Empty hand is endless. But if I put something into my hand, I can't hold anything else. Open is flexible. Truth. Your mind is also flexible. But most people are holding on to something. They go around dreaming, thinking this and that. Don't blame your life.

When I was young, I blamed my parents. How come my brain is not so sharp? How come maybe my father's not so sharp? Or how come my grandparents are not so sharp? But now they're dead. I can't blame them. Now, it's up to me. Maybe I'm not so sharp, but I take care of myself. Take care. I take care what I get and if possible use it. I can't become Einstein. Yes, we have to appreciate our life. appreciate our surroundings, our bodies -- everything.

Zazen. Today is not so good because of last night. I went to a big party. Tired. Maybe tomorrow you complain your condition isn't so good because you had too much to eat. Another day, it's something else. When you are sincere, you will understand that your situation is wonderful. You don't compare with others. Each one of you, your condition is wonderful. Beautiful, happiest. When you appreciate your life is happier. Then you'll be able to help each other. Don't hate each other. Zazen too. Your nature extends through the whole universe. Don't make any attachments. Don't make your mind small and tiny. Automatically you become unhappy. You'll be discouraged. Please don't waste your life.

 

Today sesshin fifth day. What is truth? You realize? One year has 365 days; one day has 24 hours. If rain falls, earth getting wet. Sun rises on the east side, sun setting on the west side. In truth, without thinking. But you think. Originally, are you asking sun “Hello Mr. Sun, how are you? Going up in morning in east side, you set in a west side”. But sun itself? Only human being’s international arrangement. When if I come from Japan to New York I left on the 17th and I arrived on the 18th in New York. And when I go back on the 17th I arrive on the 18th because I cross the date line. And always trouble.

Your mind and your breath are like a universal revolution, but if you’re nervous or you’re worried your breath becomes an irregular breath and not so healthy. Long breath is more healthy. Sometimes in the Athens Olympics 100m 200m runner [the athletes make a cross upon themselves] because they believe in God, or with God their mind becomes clear, yes. Sometimes National League or American League – [baseball player Sammy] Sosa, what to do how to do, I don’t know this one, because they believe. Belief is important. When you believe all throw out your egoistic mind, dualistic mind, to God. Someone said God becomes money, money becomes God. Of course money becomes God and God becomes money. They are satisfied.

If you believe and trust human beings, you and another, trust each other, you can believe, but during zazen time you want to believe but you cannot because many thoughts come: Knee painful, shoulder tight, breath getting short, another falling asleep. I go end of last ??? you got up in the morning, yes? Your brain not clear, but after one hour or half an hour of physical energy your brain get up, Yes? Nap. Half sleeping. If you get up, until 5:30 when we start tea, you got up a little bit, you exercise, slowly slowly reabilitation if you move slowly, slowly your brain awakens. But if you get up, sit like this [makes sluggish posture], and sleeping half asleep, your body will always be half sleeping. You must move! Exercise or something stimulate for your nerves. Half sleeping! And during zazen too, you are more and more absent, DARK feeling if you are walking kinhin, also half sleeping half walking, half absent mind or blank mind. If you are walking “I must do walk” and you sit half and half is not enough If you want to do, you do 100 %, cannot make any percentage. More and more, after you are doing zazen your physical or mental movements more getting sharp! Yesterday I don’t know, but monastery monks’ movements quick, don’t be slow. Slow you can do, slow is easy. Because slow meaning: Do not know how to manage or what to do or what not to do. Idea don’t moving slow. If your management, what to do/ how to do, already you have experience, your physical move or action is more sharp and more quick, not slow. I not asking you sometime.

When I was in Isreal, Isrealis after army service they come back, movement very quick, or someone born in a kibbutz. Group life, they are not thinking alone, always movement with group. Cannot lazy. Doing most active movement. Monastery same. Some monks born temple, some temple is a rich temple, some temple is not so rich. Rich temple’s son become monk, enter monastery, they don’t know what to do/ how to do. A little bit pain, weak. [They can ???? from time to time I this finger pain last year straight but now still bended time to time expiration very important] Group life; independent your own life slow or not slow, I don’t care, but monastery group life, eating too slow is not good. Cleaning room also too slow is also not good. Movement must sharp and quick don’t rest floor. Another four five year, little by little become monk style. 123 year this is baby step, only educate nothing help in monastery. Born countryside monk most active. Yes, most active. Big city, inside centre of Tokyo, they no garden, no field they not use broom. How to clean garden, they don’t know.

If you, your life human life, don’t make any directions like this wild pig, SHOOOW! Pig have no neck: always going straight, cannot see left and right! Sometime in convenient life they have no common sense. Especially your zazen, zazen time you just do like hashish or opium. I was in London, someone said, beginner, he came to me and he said: “roshi, give me enlightenment medicine.” “What you say? Enlightenment medicine?” "You have yourself! Through your own experience, your permanent enlightenment medicine. I thought you have medicine." Not tablet! Sometime during zazen time you’re drunk by zazen. This is not real zazen, OK? More bravely, more fresh, more cheerful, more happy. After sesshin don’t expect “if I do zazen my stomach getting better”, “I study zazen I become more bravely human being,” “if I study zen I become little bit rich” or like this like that. Already you are aim for zazen. This is not real zazen. You doing zazen, then you become rich you become satisfied and you become more bravely spirit, this is the real one. Already before study zazen: “I want this, want this”, not right. Beggar spirit. Already before you’re born you have your own nature by itself.

I read a book on Buddhism by Soyen Shaku. He is Doctor T. Suzuki’s teacher. He also organized First Zen Institute, he died at young age, 48, 49 years old. Educated and he did zazen. 45 monks he educated talking educated and enlightenment. This is just talking. First one educated and enlightenment. Second one not educated but he enlightenment. Second one. Third one educated but no enlightenment. Last one not educated and not enlightenment. Such lowest monk. Now education very important because how to do and what to do he can give lecture, he can give advice. Yes. English also, no? If you speak I don’t know, you know many English, vocabulary, you not much connected to people, not much friend, your vocabulary is small. Education very important, but how to use your education? You study mathematic, I don’t know. Economy or something, I don’t know, you use. Best, your daily activity, personal experience is better than education. For example, you economist, professor of economics. But not so rich people. Teacher are very nice, but original professor not so rich. Idea is very good, world economy, etc., but he himself, how to do what to do, do not money, cannot manage! Only talking but no education, not making a lot of money. Because they know human being, what kind they wanted, human being they inspiration.

Your life very interesting, you take care yourself, yes! Every day, new thing, new matter, every day something new come out! Nothing boring. Nothing boring. But you are not sharp mind. I like street, I sit on the outside entrance and many people, some young generation Peking style, hair long, someone beggar, carry big bag like a garbage bag, someone stolen market carriage. But beggar, they carry all his treasure, but if you have money, apartment or you have stock market you must worry, yes? Beggar also they worry: "Tonight where can I sleep, how money can get" or like this, like that -- same worry, but each one different.

Tea ceremony itself is Zen. But bicycle riding itself is Zen! But Zen and bicycle riding, Zen and flower arrangement, no special connection, a little bit maybe connection, but people now I think Zen, “I want to do zazen”, or like this like that, now a little less, no? About forty years ago, more popular. Like New York Zendo, 120, 150 I visited many many more. Now less but, like fashion, same. 40 years ago most Zen popular. I must study Zen! Like this. No need following Zen. Eating time just eat ok! If you want to shit time, shit! Great sound of Zen. Yes! For example, especially men, I tell you. Tomorrow morning you going first morning, get up go to toilet and then you are peeing, pee is like an arch, this is not healthy. Sheeow! Straight one! Not now, when I was young age, morning get up to pee, like this, very tired, body condition not so good. Became make arch. But healthy, physically mentally healthy, can pee straight. Shheeew! Yes! Already pee teaching your body condition. Yes. You’re not so much watching your pee? 17 or 18 years ago: I am “today is good feeling. Today is good”. Or “today my pee a little bit brown colour, ah, last night too much drinking.” This is not so good. Sleeping hour. Pee itself, much teaching! But you can only listening with mental point. For example, someone go to fortune teller, what day, where you was born, or what time, I don’t know English…astrology? You can believe astrology, and writing I am not teach you but only I can read eye. This part only. Some only this part, neck part. Or this crown? Center. Like crown on head. Someone put hair like original hair. But each one different also can live. Someone only can shadow, only shadow, especially you walking kinhin or going to pee, walking: “ahh this gentleman or lady,” much thinking, lose energy. Walking .. Soen roshi’s teacher, Gempo roshi, said if you do zazen back side. Front side, sometime nice man or beautiful lady, sometime imagination come out, but back side if you see walking style from back side, this standing person is short temper, this person a little bit nervous, this person before left home he fight wife, body.

One of zen koans: “Bodhidharma, where come from?” he ask Zen master, where come from, some Zen master you ask long time, before questioning already your individual more and more complicated. Most simple one! You become most simple, most simple. You with, most simple, without question, without logic, without discussion, real one cannot discussion. For example, if I bang this, [BANG!] like that. Maybe you’re in kindergarten or other school, is banging good. Through air about 200 meters in one second, can hear the sound through my ear. If something thinking time, too late, bang, where come from? Eh? Right hand banging wood, wood make sound, this sound I can hear. Too late! This is a theory, if you like theory, even sugar, every morning like some breakfast, shopping bread, strawberry jam, or cheese, butter, like this like that, or coffee. Coffee you drink: “ah, this coffee is good coffee”, someone “this coffee very nice, I never drink such coffee”. Each one idea different, but coffee itself never change.

You drink coffee “like this, like that”, complain. If you complain, don’t drink! You killing coffee! Always breakfast and coffee, I gratitude to coffee: “Good morning, Mr. Coffee!” Coffee happy, whole world happy. I happy, coffee also happy. Yes! Every one can help each other. Just taker, I know my friend, I not say his name, he is London University Mathematics professor. He and me same age. He have Scottish wife married. Two son and daughter. Wife’s monthly salary better than husband. Better than husband, already two children grow. Wife want divorce.

Someone man good monthly salary. Wife not so. He want divorce and he want to marry another lady. Only human idea, only monthly salary high or low then change, but in the beginning they love each other, then they marry, but children already over twenty years old. No need any more husband. Yes! Around 50, 55 years old, already they want divorce with husband. “I want independent, already my boy’s university finished, now job, I no need take care. I take care my husband more than 25 years, I’m exhausted. I want a divorce.” Yes. But don’t give. If you like this, ok. You have special faith, don’t break through all right? Something, you met each other then you love each other. Only hot season, then love love love, winter season: “I want a divorce”. Not human being. Only your own egoistic point. I understand, different egoistic point of view. But can help each other.

Human beings cannot live alone. Even without moon, without sun, without water, without sugar, without chair, without bowl, without flower, everything help each other. You can live, then can help each other. Cannot live alone. Even your body, only heart, you can’t live. You have nose, you have eye, you have ear, everyone want to help each other. You cannot have healthy mentality, good health, physical pain, you can do. You doing help, sometime one, independent, your own job, you helping job, job helping you. Help each other. If you do zazen, if you sit only two persons, compromise very quick. In beginning ok. Back straight, ok. But one getting tired, he says: “I a little bit exhausted, I want to drink a coffee.” Then he said, “no no.” You have good friend: OK! Soon two person compromise. But three person, if two person, much connected, but he say: ”no, I don’t want. I want to do zazen.” One say “ok if you want to do zazen, OK, I will do.” Lazy one, also ok. Two heads better than one, English proverb. More than three, three is different opinion. If you go traveling, all right, if you travel by airplane, three person, someone a little bit outside, and hotel room, also cannot sleep 3 person, maybe extra charge, sleeping bed. But 3 person together, wisdom come out. Only two, compromise easy. Compromise very easy. Now not much hijack but already Palestinian group hijack more than three, if too many not so good. If you sit midnight, you want to sit, only one person cannot do. Small one, can do, but three help each other more bravely, ok I will do. Influence each other. Over three, but four five not good.

Best alone is good. Best. Alone is good, but don’t sit OK. But zazen alone, nobody help you. Only you can help yourself. I will do, you decide, make up your mind. Don’t change. A little bit hobby or hobby, or entertainment, ok you do zazen, OK I will do. I go with you. Which zendo? OK, obligation after. Yes. Everything you can walk with your own two leg, no? Two leg. You have two eye, two ear, one tongue one mouth. Yeah! Your body, physical body healthy only this part? Time to time? Body wanted but this part not escape, but reality cannot escape. Inside not hard.

For example, someone got enlightenment, great enlightenment, most happiest time. Start crying. This year not yet. I was here, world Miss contest, Miss Universe. Miss America, last one, three young lady, yes? Last one is queen yes? Mexican, crown, cry. Of course! She had special diet, hard labor, become Miss World, sometime Mrs. America, teenager, young one, high school girl. I was here 8 years ago, no, 15 17 years ago, also Miss America Miss Universe, tear come out. Not sad, very happy! Cannot explain through mouth. Tear come out. Tear iteslf great talking. Yes! Because not same, but Miss Universe, Miss America, and enlightenment cannot compare, cannot compare, but one time you truly, you discover it yourself, you never lost, never losing, nobody steal. Yes! Not so easy, even Miss Universe, 120 different countries, big stage, questioning, maybe mentally, this is good or not good, then finally Miss queen 22, 24 golden stick, then walking steady. All this special diet, special take care skin, everything. Yes! Not like house living like this! No! Zazen is… Miss Universe, compare each other, but zazen canot compare each other. Only you yourself, independent. Yes. Independent.

Day before yesterday Labour Day, yes? Day before yesterday sesshin second day. Or something. Hardest day. Labour day! Labour day is physical work, zazen physical mental everything work for mu. Not so easy. Zazen is most difficult, but on another hand MOST easy. Most easy! Only you create most difficult. Zazen is most painful meditation you say something? Many many meditation, transcendental meditation, many meditation. Specially California many many different meditation they create, no? TM, how can transcend, what kind of transcendence, I have no idea. Hashish or opium, better than transcend, but you must pay prison life. This also drunk, someone drunk by meditation, this is not real zen. All right? You become drunk by Zen, this is not real one. Must your mind clear, pure, sharp. Until build build build, 20 year 40 year 50 year, comparison each other, like this like that, after 80 years old, when I become 80 years old, to each other??? Bald hair, pink, special earphone to hear, but this no guarantee. No guarantee. But then you take care.

If you can take care, you can take care your office, your family. This world only take care yourself, this is egoistic. For example, if your family son is always sick, and mother take care of son, and father and daughter, daytime go work and come back, but brother or son sick, home atmosphere is different. Yes. Every one is laughing, I don’t know, laughing come from fortune, I don’t know, proverb. You don’t know? Meditate or something. Laughing not, I don’t know laughing always real, laughing, great laughter, whole family or all people happy, then can laugh. If someone, even one person nervous, feeling different, even party if you go party, everyone is cheer, ahhhh then you participate, funeral ceremony different feeling no? Same? Of course different.

Greater laughter is more become happy. Other time your pores, your whole body is open. Most happy, other time body is closed, not so healthy, you’re not check you’re nervous, your body is closed, and sleeping time, open, pores open, not enough blanket, then catch cold or something. Daytime also open. Most happiest time, most happiest time, loud voice, your laughing time, at the same time your body open, 84,000 pores or something, 1 billion pores, many pores? I don’t know, but pores open during zazen time, pores open, but beginning: “I must do zazen, with mu”, lot of physical tension, little bit mental tension, then pores automatically open, ah “now I know my nature,” can discover. Whole body, same time explode like atomic bomb, from your whole body, then you discover, OK. 4 minutes after three. Such dream is like flea penis.