Hey! What are you gawking at?
Don't you see, it's about you?

Kodo Sawaki

 

Preface

In the fall of 1965, Mr. Toshio Yamada, who was then editor of the religious column in the Asahi Newspaper came to Antaiji to visit my teacher, Kodo Sawaki Roshi. As he was about to leave, he said to me, "Sawaki Roshi profoundly impresses his audiences with his directness. Could you write some articles based on how you, as his disciple, understand his teaching?" I thought that it would be a very good idea for me to to it, as part of my own practice. First, I looked over his sayings, which I had recorded in my notebooks as "Dharma Words." Then I began writing my comments on them. I entitled the work Yadonashi Kodo Hokkusan (The Zen Teaching of "Homeless" Kodo).
That fall, Sawaki Roshi became critically ill and I could not continue the project. After his death at the end of November of that year the articles I had completed were printed as his memorial address. They were published serially in the paper, over a year and two months. Writing these articles deepened my appreciation of Sawaki Roshi's life and practice and also, comforted and encouraged me. Lonely and upset because of my teacher's death, I was extremely grateful to Mr. Yamada, who had given me the opportunity on Sawaki Roshi's teaching.
The articles were put together into two booklets in Mamizu-Shinsho, and published by Hakujusha Co. Ltd. Subsequently, Mr. Nakayama of Hakujusha, asked me to write more articles in order to publish them as one of the Hakuju-shinsho.

Sawaki Roshi was like an ancient Zen master: fearless and unconventional. I, on the contrary, am such a fainthearted person that I hesitate to tell people that I was Sawaki Roshi's disciple. Yet, I practiced with him and served him as his closest disciple longer than anyone. When he was very near the end of his life, I asked him, "Do you think I'll be able to lead people after your death?" He replied, "In our tradition, zazen is the center. As long as you continue doing zazen, you can lead people." He gave me the encouragement I needed and showed me the direction that I should take. I received this as his final teaching. Since then, I have devoted myself to zazen and have maintained Antaiji as a place where the practice of zazen is the center.
It might be helpful to introduce Sawaki Roshi to others, so that they can become familiar with his teaching. Indeed, in this world there are more timid people like me than courageous ones, like him. It is with deep gratitude that I offer this book on the Seventh Anniversary of my master's death.

Remembering his final days
On this day in early autumn,
Seven years after his passing.

Kosho Uchiyama

Preface for the Revised Edition

In December of this year, we will commemorate the Seventeenth Anniversary of Sawaki Roshi's death. After he died, I remained at Antaiji as abbot for ten years. Because of Sawaki Roshi's influence, zazen practice at Antaiji has flourished and Antaiji has moved to Tajima (Hyogo prefecture). I am very grateful for this.
Yadonashi-Hokkusan was first published as two small booklets. Later I added 15 more sections and published the work as one of the Hakuju-shin-sho. But these days, numberless pocket-size books are available from major publishers and bookshops no longer accept the little editions from the smaller houses. The publisher asked for additional material so that the work might be published as a larger, single volume.
Last fall, a member of Jinno-in Wakokai sent me the manuscript of a talk I gave at the temple in order to receive my permission to print it. When I read the manuscript, I saw that it would be quite appropriate to add it to Yadonashi Kodo Hokkusan, and asked permission from the abbot of Jinno-in to use the manuscript, "On Kodo Sawaki Roshi's Zazen" as part of this book. I am glad that this book has been published in a revised, expanded form and that I will be able to offer it on the occasion of the Seventeenth Anniversary of Sawaki Roshi's death.

Early summer, 1981

Kosho Uchiyama

Translators' Acknowledgement

Yadonashi Kodo Hokkusan (The Zen Teaching of "Homeless" Kodo) was translated by Koshi Ichida, with assistance from Marshall Mittnick, at Pioneer Valley Zendo in Massachusetts. The text was refined and edited by George Varvares.
On Sawaki Kodo Roshi's Zazen was translated by Shohaku Okumura, with assistance from George Varvares at Shorinji in Kyoto.
We are deeply grateful to the many people who participated in the translation and publication of this book.

Life of Kodo Sawaki Roshi

1880: Kodo Sawaki Roshi is born on the 16th of June in Tsu-shi, Mie Prefecture, to Sotaro and Shige Tada. One of seven children, three of whom die in infancy, he is given the name "Saikichi." His father, Sotaro, works as a maker of rickshaw parts.

1884: His mother dies.

1887: His father dies and he is adopted by an uncle who dies several months later. He is then adopted by Bunkichi Sawaki, a professional gambler.

1892: Graduates elementary school.

1896: Goes to Eiheiji because of his aspiration to become a monk.

1897: He is ordained by Koho Sawada, abbot of Soshinji, Amakusa, Kyushu and practices with him for two years. He is given the monk's name "Kodo."

1899: Meets Ryoun Fueoka and practices with him in Kyoto for one year.

1900: Drafted into the army.

1904: Sent to China as an infantryman to fight in the Russo-Japanese War. He receives a near-fatal wound and returns to Japan for treatment and convalescence.

1905: Again sent to China as an infantryman. Russo-Japanese War ends.

1906: Returns to Japan.

1908: Begins study of Yogacara philosophy with Join Saeki at Horyuji, Nara Prefecture.

1912: Leaves Horyuji to become tanto (instructor of monks) at Yosenji, Matsusaka, Mie Prefecture.

1913: Meets Sotan Oka Roshi, abbot of Daijiji.

1914: Leaves Yosenji. Moves to Jofukuji, a small temple in Nara. He stays alone, concentrating on zazen.

1916: Leaves Jofukuji to become koshi (lecturer) at Daijiji Sodo. Many students from the Fifth High School practice with him during this period.

1922: Leaves Daijiji (Sotan Oka Roshi dies) and moves to a small house in Kumamoto loaned by him by a friend. He names the house "Daitetsu-do."

1923: Moves to "Mannichi-zan," a house loaned to him by the Shibata family. He begins travelling around Japan to lecture and lead sesshins. He refers to this as "the moving monastery."

1935: Becomes professor at Komazawa University, lectures on Zen literature and leads meditation practice. He is appointed godo (overseer of practice) at Sojiji.

1940: Establishes Tengyo Zen-en at Daichuji, Tochigi Prefecture. Leaves position as godo at Sojiji.

1949: Establishes Antaiji Shichikurin Sanzen Dojo.

1963: Quits Komazawa University because of illness and retires to Antaiji.

1965: Dies at Antaiji on December 21.

The Zen Teaching Of "Homeless" Kodo

No need to be in chains

Sawaki Roshi: People call me "Homeless" Kodo, but I don't take it as an insult. They call me that because I have never had a temple or a house. Everyone is homeless. It is a mistake if you think that you have a fixed home.

Uchiyama Roshi: As his disciple, I did not always feel good when I heard Sawaki Roshi called "Homeless" Kodo. The word "homeless" reminded me of stray dogs and cats. (The Japanese word Yadonashi is used in reference to both persons and animals. The concepts "homeless" and "stray" carry the same meaning and are used interchangeably.) But now I understand that this nickname is really a title for the true person. Everyone is a stray in reality.
Because my teacher as a homeless person, I also had to be homeless. The only way I could support myself way by begging, being barked at by dogs all day. One time a spitz viciously barked at me, growling and leaping as if it wanted to tear me to pieces. Suddenly, the collar chain broke and immediately it began to cower and whine. A dog threatens with barks and growls when it is chained, but quickly loses its nerve when freed. The spitz' behaviour amused me because it reminded me of some human beings. They behave threateningly when they are chained by financial power, titles or organizations. As soon as the chains are removed, they retreat, feeling small and powerless. How absurd they are. Each of us is just a person living alone, majestically. For human beings, there is no need to be in chains.

The ultimate life

Sawaki Roshi: A religion which has no connection with the fundamentals of life is futile. Buddhist practice shows the way to the full actualization of the ultimate goal of human life, here and now. "Converting non-Buddhists" means to allow people to live in this way, thereby transforming their random, fraudulent and incomplete ways of life.

Uchiyama Roshi: It has been over fourteen hundred years since Buddhism was introduced to Japan. The achievements of Buddhist priests in Japan have been admirable. They have never taught the religious essence of Buddhism. A priest's job is without comparison because no one else can live such an idle life. If you make a mistake chanting the sutras, the dead do not complain.
Sawaki Roshi said that Buddhist practice shows the way to the ultimate goal of human life. This was the teaching of Buddhism in the time of the Buddha, but since then the rubbish of Buddhist teaching has been emphasized and the essential teaching has been lost.

Sawaki Roshi: Most people do things without any clear view of life. They just do things in a makeshift way, like plastering their shoulder wihen it feels stiff.

***

To be born as a human being is a rare thing, something to be grateful for. But being born as a human being is worthless if you spend your life in a mental hospital. It is worthless if you worry about not having money. It is worthless if you become neurotic because you cannot get a prestigious job. It is worthless if you weep because you lose your girlfriend.

Efficiency

Sawaki Roshi: There are students who cheat in the university preparatory schools. Because of that, they must also cheat on the collage entrance exams. This is the bent and twisted condition known as stupidity. Everyone in this world does things like that.

Uchiyama Roshi: All human beings are short-sighted in one way or another. Some people go into debt in order to buy luxury cars because they are symbols of wealth. In order to help his corrupt boss rise to a high position, a faithful lackey will take the rap for him even if it means going to jail. We tend to act inconsistently, as if we couldn't think or have a sense of direction. In modern society, people try to increase their efficiency in every area of life. But where are they going? No matter how efficiently they act, unless they are going in the right direction, there is no difference between them and the insects that start buzzing around when spring arrives.
Science and technology have made great advances. This doesn't always mean improvement for human beings. We should clearly recognize the difference between these two. We should think deeply about what real progress is for human beings.

Sawaki Roshi: The world has become small because of developments in transportation. What are they doing, flying around in their quick cars? They drive fast only to save their worthless time. They are going to play pinball.

***

A familiar sight is the red-eyed co-worker taking vitamin pills and saying. " I was up all night playing Mah-jong." (Mah-jong is a game of Chinese origin, usually played by four persons. In Japan this game is a very popular form of gambling.)

Seeing clearly

Sawaki Roshi: If you steal other people's things, you become a thief. Some people think that you become a thief only after you have been arrested by a policeman, questioned by a public prosecutor, had a judgement passed against you, and gone to jail. A corrupt politician considers himself a man of virtue and resource if he can avoid scandal and escape responsibility for his actions. People are so idiotic!

***

Alexander the Great, Caesar and Genghis Khan were just big thieves. Ishikawa Goemon and Tenichibo (Ishikawa Goemon: imfamous thief (1558-1594) during the Azuchi Momoyama period. Tenichibo: a character in the traditional Japanese storyteller's repertoire.) were nothing compared to Hitler and Mussolini. Hitler and Mussolini were like Kunisada Chuji (Kunisada Chuji: chivalrous gambler (1810-1850)) who said, "Let's go as far as we can," but they did it on a big scale. Gangsters of this sort are very highly spoken of by their followers.

***

We are always falling into ruts. A man with political power, with the help of school teachers and intellectuals tries to force new conventions on us. The ways of distortion are very deliberate and complicated. The wisdom of Buddhism sees through this distortion.

Uchiyama Roshi: Most people have been made stupid. It would be fine if the presidents and premieres and other V.I.P.'s were really important tu us, but it is a problem if they are felt to be important only because of convention and distortion. Buddhist practice allows people to open their eyes anew and see clearly, instead of falling prey to distortions. In order to straighten out the warped and deadly situation in wold politics, everyone must open their eyes and criticize what they see.

The greatness of Sawaki Roshi

Sawaki Roshi: Someone said, "Sawaki Roshi wasted his whole life in zazen."

Uchiyama Roshi: This was his self-appraisal in the series called "The Unpainted Face," published in the Asahi Journal last year (1965). Since his death on the 21st of December, his followers have come to Antaiji to offer incence for the repose of his soul. Most of them do not remember him as a person who "wasted his whole life in zazen." One person said, "Sawaki Roshi told off General Ugaki." Another said, "When he encountered old Mr. Matsunaga, he did such and such." Still another said, "When I asked him about the Suez Canal affair, I was very impressed with his answer, although I didn't quite understand what he meant. He said, 'You should cover the canal with a kesa (monk's robe.'"

In the Russo-Japanese War (1904-1905) he was a courageous and highly decorated soldier. He always said, "As a daredevil, I am second to none." But then he would say, "That is only the greatness of Mori no Ishimatsu (a gambler famous for his bravery)."
Sawaki Roshi was from birth a vital and stimulating person who dominated other people and attracted them like a magnet. That was his karma, as natural for him as a cat catching mice or a musk deer emitting an attractive fragrance; it was not his greatness as a Buddhist.
Sooner or later a collection of anecdotes about his life will be published, but that will only entertain people, not teach them Buddhism. Sometimes we miss the point in praising a person. In this case, there is no connection between his, "wasting his whole life in zazen" and the greatness of his character.

Returning to the self

Sawaki Roshi: You can't exchange farts with anyone, right? Everyone has to live his own self. Who is good-looking? Who is smart? You or I? There's no need to compare yourself with others.

Uchiyama Roshi: Sawaki Roshi devoted his whole life to zazen. How did he describe it? In his early teaching, he often said, "Zazen makes the self into the self," and "To do zazen is to become familiar with the self." To do zazen is to cast off everything and just sit, making "the self into the self."
Soon, final and entrance exams will be given in the schools. Some students will attempt suicide because of their poor grades on the exams. Today's educational system only teaches competition. It does not teach how to return to the self. That's why such tragedies occur. (The Japanese school system requires students to excel in extremely difficult high school and college entrance exams if they are to enter an educational track leading to financial and social success. Because poor performance on these exams often result in a life long "failure" each year many unsuccessful exam candidates attempt suicide.)
Whether you defeat others or you are defeated by them, you live out the self which is only the self. You never become someone else. Without being concerned about success and failure, go back to the self. Zazen is the practice in which you "Let go of all associations, and put all affairs aside." (Dogen Zenji's Fukan Zazengi). In the Sutta-Nipata, Buddha said, "Make yourself your refuge, walk in the world and be unchained from everything." Dogen wrote in the Genjokoan, "To study Buddhism is to study the self." Without being pulled every which way through comparing yourself with others, settle down to the true self. According to Buddha's teaching, this is the essential way of pacifying the mind. It is the purest zazen.

Sawaki Roshi: Sit firmly in the place beyond any question of whether you are great or not.

Circumstances

Sawaki Roshi: Nowadays, young gangsters and hoodlums often say, "My circumstances were bad," as an excuse when they commit a crime for which they are arrested. What kind of circumstances are good or bad? Is being born poor good? Is being born rich bad? What a pity if, even though you were born a human being, you are not aware of the true self. That is a really bad circumstance!

Uchiyama Roshi: When Sawaki Roshi was five years old, his mother died. When he was eight years old, his father died. He was then adopted by Bunkichi Sawaki. Bunkichi used paper-lantern making as a cover, but was really a professional gambler. Soon after Sawaki Roshi started living with his new parents, his stepfather asked him to watch out for the police. Tough as he was, Saikichi (Sawaki Roshi's name as a layman) was amazed by that. His home was on a back street in the red-light disctict.
When he returned home from the Russo-Japanese War because of a nearly fatal wound, Sawaki Roshi found that his stepmother, who had been a prostitute, had gone crazy. She was tied up and smeared with her own shit. His stepfather had gone out to gamble, so he stayed with a neighbor. Later his stepfather came and said to him, "Your mom has gone crazy and I'm broke. What shall I do? Give me some money!"
Even though he grew up in such an environment, Sawaki Roshi lived his life for the sake of the buddha-dharma. Anecdotes like the one related above are an expression of his impatience with the young people of today. At the same time, they have limitless value as a warning to most of us because we feel bound by the circumstances of our personal lives.

The production of sutras

Sawaki Roshi: The person who has left home must create his own life.

Uchiyama Roshi: This was one of his favourite sayings. The "homeless life" was his creation. Preaching the dharma by using colloquial language in profound and inventive ways instead of using Buddhist technical terms was his own unique style. But as his disciple, if I merely imitate his life or only repeat his sayings, I will not be following his teaching. If I am to be his true disciple, I must go beyond him and create my own way of life and express Buddhism in my own words. So, I can't be satisfied by only repeating or explaining his remarks. He often said, "All Buddhist scriptures are only footnotes to zazen." I want to continue to practice zazen even more intensely than he did before his death. I also want to describe the meaning of zazen in a language that's intelligible to modern men and women.
Buddhism has become stagnant because monks and scholars only expound the old Buddhist scriptures. No one produces sutras for our age. For several centuries around the time of Christ, the extensive Mahayana Buddhist scriptures were produced by "zazen-men." They were responsible for the rise of a vivid Mahayana Buddhism. I would like this to be a new age for the production of Mahayana Buddhist scriptures. Religion sinks and loses its vitality in mere exposition and maintenance of the pre-established religious order. Only when each and every one of us seeks the reality of ourselves for ourselves and responsibly creates our own life, will religion be a real source of transformation in this age.

Group paralysis

Sawaki Roshi: When a person is alone, he's not so bad. When a group is formed, paralysis occurs, and people become so confused that they cannot judge what is right or wrong. Some people go into a group situation on purpose, just to experience group paralysis, even paying a fee. Often people advertise in order to bring people together for some political or spiritual purpose and only create group paralysis. Buddhist practitioners keep some distance from society, not to escape from it, but to avoid this paralysis.

Uchiyama Roshi: In Buddhism, the problem of delusion is often mentioned. The importance of the various forms of delusion has differed from one period to another. In ancient India, the biggest delusion was thought to be sex, so Buddhist practitioners tried hard to repress their sexual desires.
Dogen Zenji said, "Attachment to fame is worse then violating the precepts," and he regarded chasing after fame and wealth as the worst form of delusion because in his day, many Buddhist priests in Nara, and on Mts Koya and Hiei competed with each other for fame and wealth.
Practitioners must be aware of the delusions of sexual desire and of chasing after fame and wealth. But by coining the term "group paralysis" Sawaki Roshi has pointed out a major delusion of modern times. Today men and women live their lives relying on groups and organizations and simply drift along in them without ever forming any real roots. Buddhism is the practice of waking up from all forms of delusion, of opening the "clear eyes of the self."

Mob psychology

Sawaki Roshi: Mob psychology seems so strange to me. If people don't know anything, they had better not say anything. But people do things, say things, and hang on to others, without any convictions of their own. They don't know themselves at all. This is ukiyo, the floating world.

***

Although you think you did a brave deed in trying circumstances, if you did it imitating others, it cannot be called a truly brave deed.

***

Do not lose your head in distracting circumstances. Don't be intoxicated in an intoxicating atmosphere. This is the only true wisdom. Do not be won over to any idea, or "ism," or any organization. Have nothing to do with the big fool called "human being."

Uchiyama Roshi: The recent trouble at Waseda University is a good example. I myself was a student at Waseda during a strike in 1931, and I watched the whole process of the student movement from within. I can appreciate how easily people become intoxicated in such an atmosphere. Next time however, instead of passing around pamphlets, they should put big banners on the clock tower that read, ALTHOUGH YOU THINK YOU DID A BRAVE DEED IN TRYING CIRCUMSTANCES, IF YOU DID IT IMITATING OTHERS, IT CANNOT BE CALLED A TRULY BRAVE DEED, and DO NOT LOSE YOUR HEAD IN DISTRACTING CIRCUMSTANCES, and DON'T BE INTOXICATED BY AN INTOXICATED ATMOSPHERE and demonstrate while looking at those banners.

Sawaki Roshi: To do zazen is to look at the world anew after being in hibernation.

***

It is best not to do anything but zazen. If you do something else, maybe the devil made you do it.

The Vogue

Sawaki Roshi: Often a kid does everything by blindly following others. When his friend eats a potato, he wants to eat one. If his friend eats candy, he wants some. When someone he knows gets a Kintama-bue ( a bamboo whistle with a balloon attached to one end), he begs his parents, "Please, buy a kintama-bue for me." And he is not always a kid.

Uchiyama Roshi: At the time that Dakkochans (a type of plastic doll) were in fashion, I read a letter in the readers' column of a newspaper. It said, "Because my daughter wanted to have a Dakkochan, we went to buy one at a department store. We had to stand in line, but they sold out while we waited our turn. We have a very disappointed daughter. Please produce many dolls for the girls so that everyone who wants one can get one."
It was really a stupid letter, but I found it interesting because it expressed an attitude that is so common these days. I remember the letter exactly; the mother complained as if she were weeping. Dakkochans would soon go out of fashion and no one would pay any more attention to them, but for her, being behind the times was a fate worse than death. Similarly, parents think that in order to go to a first class primary school, their children must go to a first class kindergarten, so they stand in line in order to obtain admission. (Acceptance is based on the order of arrival.) Kyoiku-mom (a nickname for the type of mother who is fanatic about education for her children. Kyoiku means education in Japanese) wants her children to play the piano, so they go into debt to buy one. By following the fads of the day in buying things, many people find their lives worth living. First, three kinds of electrical appliances; next a camera; after that, a new car; and then, an air-conditioner. "Grow up a little," is my immediated response.

The hallucination caused by quantity

Sawaki Roshi: Because modern religious groups develop on a large scale, many people eventually think that these institutions represent true religion. A large number of believers does not make a religion true. If large nambers are good, the number of ordinary people in the world is immense. People often try to do things by forming groups and outnumbering the opposition. But they make themselves stupid in this way. Forming a party is a good example of group paralysis. To stop being in group paralysis and to become the self which is only the self, is the practice of zazen.

Uchiyama Roshi: No matter how many coal cinders there are, they are just coal cinders. But if a huge amount appears before them, people will be impressed by the volume and think it's significant. People mistake quantity for quality. Some people, understanding mob psychology and taking advantage of it might say, "Let's form a group, organize, build a huge temple and become rich and powerful."
True religion does not cater to the human desires for money, fame social position, or health. To lead a life based on religious insight is to deeply examine the universal human ideal, realize it within oneself, and live it moment by moment. If something mistakenly referred to as religion spreads everywhere by flattering the desires of the masses, it shouldn't be called a world religion. We must see it as a heresy prevailing over the whole world like an epidemic. A religion that honestly examines the universal humnan ideal and shows human beings how to realize it can be called a world religion, even if only one, or half a person devotes his life to it.

Loyalty

Sawaki Roshi: When Hojo's troops attacked Masashige Kusunoki's Chihaya castle, it was said that the fallen warriors of the Hojo Clan were praised by their friends as they met "glorious death" on the battlefield: (In 1332, Kusunoki Masashige fought against Hojo at the Chihayajo in order to help the Emperor Godaigo, who tried to regain political power from Hojo in Kamakura. Kusunoki was famous for his loyalty, and Hojo was considered to be a rebel.)

"A man lays down his life in vain for the sake of fame.
Why doesn't he give up clinging to life for the sake of the Dharma?"

***

With the Sino-Japanese War (1894-5) and the Russo-Japanese War (1904-5), we enlarged Japanese territory and annexed Korea. We believed that it really happened. But when we lost World War Two, we lost everything and truly understood that we had only incurred the enmity of other countries.

***

People often talk about loyalty, but I wonder if they know the direction of their loyalty and their actions. I myself was a soldier during the Russo-Japanese War and fought hard on the battlefield. But since we lost what we had gained, I can see that what we did was useless. There is absolutely no need to wage war.

Uchiyama Roshi: Because Sawaki Roshi fought in the Russo-Japanese War, his words are not only for others, but also for himself, as self-reflection. We who were educated before World War Two were taught in school that Japan was the greatest country in the world and absolutely righteous in all its actions and that we would obtain personal immortality if we were faithful to it. We really believed it. After the war, most Japanese could see that it was not true, and some of them reacted against nationalism.
When we reflect upon our past and think about our future, we should question not only loyalty to Japan but loyalty to any nation. Whichever country you are devoted to, eventually it will only be a page in the book of history. "If the troops win, their side is called loyal; if the troops lose, their side is called rebel." The important thing is to have a clear eyed view of the self and to behave sanely and soberly.

Sawaki Roshi: What is the true self? It is brilliantly transparent, like a deep blue sky, and there is no gap between the true self and all sentient beings.

Human advancement

Sawaki Roshi: After all their efforts, racking their brains as intensely as possible, people today have come to a deadlock. Human beings are idiots. We set ourselves up as wise men and subsequently do foolish things.

***

In spite of scientific advancement, human beings haven't come to greatness.

***

Since the dawn of history, human beings have constantly fought with each other. No matter how big or how small a war is, the root cause is our minds, which have a tendency to make us growl at each other.

***

You should not forger that modern scientific culture has developed on the level of our lowest consciousness.

***

"Civilization" is always the talk of the world. But civilization and culture are nothing but the collective elaboration of illusory desires. No matter how many wrinkles of illusory desire you have on your brain, from the point of view of Buddhism, they will never bring about meaningful advancement for human beings. "Advancement" is the talk of the world, but what direction are we going in?

Uchiyama Roshi: People today are dazzled by advances in science and technology and take human advancement to be identical with the advances of science. Because the advances of science are significant primarily within the contexts of scientific disciplines, we must clearly distinguish them from human advancement. Arnold Toynbee said, "Our modern scientific culture has increased the speed of Adam's original sin with explosive energy. That is all. And we have never released ourselves from original sin." Real human advancement would release us from the mind of the lowest consciousness, which says, "I hope to make easy gain. In order to do that, I must struggle against others."

One's own opinion

Sawaki Roshi: Human beings are not the same. Our consciousness is our own individual possession.

***

Everyone just sees the world from their own hole. They drag their opinions and thoughts along with them; that's why there is so much trouble in the world.

Uchiyama Roshi: Usually, we consider ourselves to be very important. We take it for granted that our own thoughts are the best measure of things and judge other's activities and the conditions around us as to whether they are good or bad. When things do not go well according to our judgement, we become angry, get into trouble, and carry around bad feelings afterwards. At times like these, if you can see that this world does not exist only for you, and that your evaluation of things is not absolute, you will be able to breathe more freely and need not cause trouble for others.
Prince Shotoku (574-622 A.D.) expressed it skillfully in the Constitution of Seventeen Articles. He said: "If you are right, then others are wrong; if others are right, then you are wrong. You are not right all the time; others are not right all the time. We are all nothing but ordinary people." This means not only others but you also are just an ordinary person.

Collecting food and hatching eggs

Sawaki Roshi: Everyone steeps himself in his own life and lives, blindly believing that there must be something to his daily activity. But in reality, a human being's life does not differ from a swallow's the males collecting food and the females hatching eggs.

Uchiyama Roshi: This is the season swallows are flying about. People working in the shadow of tall buildings in the city probably miss seeing swallows hatching in the spring. It's a lovely sight to see them during spring and early summer, isn't it?

Some people just get by in life, live from day to day, and never see their lives as a whole. Kobo-Daishi (774-835, the founder of the Shingon Sect) called them Ishoteiyoshin, a flock of stray sheep.

Sawaki Roshi: Just because you become a bride or bridegroom, it doesn't mean that you automatically understand your life. It's still mysterious. Although a foolish man takes a foolish woman for his wife, people say, "Congratulations!"

***

When I was in Manchuria, I saw people use big dogs to pull their carts. They rode in the cart dangling a piece of meat on the end of a fishing rod before the dog's nose. The dogs pulled the carts, trying to reach the meat. When they reached their destination, it was given to them. They ate it in one gulp. Most working stiffs are like those dogs. Every month, they run after the pay envelopes that hang before their eyes. On pay day, they gulp it down. Then they run after the next one.

Calculating the difference

Sawaki Roshi: During World War Two, I visited a colliery and went into a coal mine in Kyushu. Like the colliers, I put on a hat with a head-lamp and went down in an elevator. For some time, I thought the elevator went down steadily. Then I started to feel as if it were going up. I shined my light in the coal shaft and realized, "Oh! It's still going down." When the elevator starts going down, you actually feel that it's going down, but once the speed becomes fixed, it's possible to feel as if it were going up. That's the other side of the balance. In the ups and downs of life, we are deceived by the difference in the balance.

***

Saying, "I've got satori!" is only feeling the differene in the balance. Saying, "I'm deluded!" is only feeling another difference in the balance. To say it's delicious or it tastes terrible, to be rich, or poor, all are just feelings about differences in the balance.

***

In most cases, common sense only shows a difference in the balance.

***

A human being puts his "I" into everything without knowing it. "Oh, that was good!" he sometimes says. What is good? It's just good for him, that's all.

***

The reason we human beings are often exhausted is that we do things with personal profit in mind.

Uchiyama Roshi: Usually, we are terribly concerned about luck. Are there really such things as good and bad luck? There aren't. There are only our calculating measurements. Only when we expect to make things profitable for ourselves, is it possible to feel that we didn't make it. Only when we compete with others, is it possible to feel the difference in the balance as loss.
True religion takes no notice of the human desire to make things profitable for ourselves or of our calculating measurement. If we throw away our ordinary expectations and take an attitude of settling down on whichever side of the balance we fall, it is right there that a truly peaceful life unfolds itself. Doing zazen is to stop being an ordinary person.

Our in ertial lives

Sawaki Roshi: A strange creature, the human being: groping in the dark with an intelligent look.

***

Human beings strive only to avoid boredom.

***

A lot of things in this world attract you. But once you do or get them, they're worthless.

***

There are people who never find their own way of life.

Uchiyama Roshi: If I broach the subject of the essence of your life, you might feel as if some old, moldy clothes were being given to you. But when we reflect deeply on the essence of our own lives, we will realize that this is not an old, moldy subject, but that our lives as we live them are. Why? Because we get up sheerly through inertia, eat breakfast through inertia, encounter our acquaintances through inertia, watch television through inertia, read magazines through inertia, and go to work through inertia. We spend most of our time in this way.
How do we find our lives worth living at all? We are always running after one thing or another so that we won't have to consider this question. When we play mah-jong, we find the significance of life in winning a game. When we go to a department store, we find the significance of life in shopping. If we can't afford to buy things, we find the significance of life in imagining that we could. When we watch baseball or sumo wrestling, we find the significance of life in hoping our favourite athletes will win. These activities are merely diversions. No matter how clamorous the times in which we live, we should sincerely reflect on the meaning of life.

Money

Sawaki Roshi: If you have no money, you are in trouble. But it's good to know that there are more important things than money. If you have no sexual desire, something is wrong. But it's good to know that there are more important things than sexual desire.

Uchiyama Roshi: If I were super-rich, I would buy everything. If I gave a lot of money to neighbours and people around me, they would greet me with smiles. I could live always in their smiles. When someone is in trouble, in most cases they are suffering from a shortage of cash. I would give them money unsparingly and solve their problems. If I got sick, I would go to one of those hospitals furnished like a luxury hotel and hire several beautiful, young nurses. I could receive medical treatement while feasting my eyes. When I got old, I could make people think that I was a kind and trustworthy person. I could enjoy a fabulous second youth. I could act as a peacemaker, saying, "Hey, I'll buy the Vietnam War!" and resolve the conflict by giving both sides a fat lot of money.
There is always disagreement in the areas of economics, politics and philosophy. Although they all seem to be very complicated, most problems can be solved with money, if we have enough of it. But when you believe that it's possible to solve any problem with money, you become totally dependent on it. Unfortunately, the problem of the self can't be solved with money.
Once I met a man who had inherited a large fortune from his parents, but who was so worried about losing it that he became neurotic. We read that in Sweden there are many people who commit suicide out of despair, even though the country ensures a livelihood for all its citizens and has no problems with its economy. When people look into themselves, they do not find their lives at all settled.

Everyone is naked

Sawaki Roshi: To wander from place to place in this transitory world is to pursue "name." A person is born naked. But then he is given a name, registered, and covered with clothes, and a nipple is stuffed into his mouth, and so on. When he grows up you say, "He is great, strong, clever, rich." You find consolation only in words. In fact, everyone is just naked.

Uchiyama Roshi: Rousseau said, "Even emperors, nobles and great, wealthy men were born naked and poor, and at the end of their lives they must die naked and poor." This is absolutely true. For a short while between birth and death, human beings put on various and complicated clothes. Some wear beautiful costumes, some rags, some prison uniforms. There are the clothes of status and class, of joy and anger, sadness and comfort, of delusion and enlightenment. We unwittingly take these clothes to be our true selves, and devote ourselves to obtaining, by any means, a satisfactory wardrobe.
As long as we live, we must wear some kind of uniform. I hope that we don't forget that our true selves are naked, and remembering these naked selves, we look once more at our clothed lives and put them in order. In the Heart Sutra it says, "No birth, no extinction, no defilement, no purity," This is the true, naked self, which has cast off even the clothes of birth and death and enlightenment and delusion.

Sawaki Roshi: When a woman dies, it doesn't make any difference whether she is beautiful or ugly. Is a beatuy's skull superior to an ugly woman's? That has nothing to do with truth.

***

There are no rich, no poor, no great, no plain. These are only words that make us anxious.

Given that I will die

Sawaki Roshi:
A shower
in the middle of a fight
about irrigation.

After a long drought, they fight over water for the rice fields. In the middle of the fight, a shower hits them. Since the fight about irrigation depends on the condition of dry weather, if it rains, there's no problem. There will be no difference between a beautiful and an ugly woman when they become eighty years old. The original self is empty and clear.

Uchiyama Roshi: Because the fight about irrigation depends on the condition of dry weather, if it rains, there's no problem. Let's see: there is possibility that if I go out now, I will have a car accident that will finish me off. If I were run down by a car and knocked out, my thoughts, "I want this, I want that," my frustrated anger, "Oh... that fool!" or my longing for a certain woman would all be resolved quite spontaneously, like a shower in the middle of a fight about irrigation. As long as we are alive, we will have problems which are based on the assumption that we will continue to live. But it is also important to look at these problems with the assumption that in the next moment, we will be in a coffin. Then we can live in a more leisurely fashion, knowing that we don't have to get stuck in our own opinions, gritting our teeth and furrowing our brows. In a word, zazen is to look back on this world as if you were already in your grave.

Sawaki Roshi: Imagine thinking of your life after your death. You'll see it didn't matter.

Ghosts and the power of suggestion

Sawaki Roshi: People often ask me if ghosts exist. Anyone who thinks about such matters is a ghost.

Uchiyama Roshi: Sawaki Roshi always expressed himself unequivocally. As long as you don't believe in ghosts, there are no ghosts, but once you become confused as to whether ghosts exist or not, you become a ghost yourself because of your confusion.
When someone believes a spiritualist who tells him that he is haunted by an ancestor's soul, or that they can call up the soul of a dead person and solve his problems, he becomes frightened, is swindled out of his money, and loses his wits. One who can't walk a straight line in such matters is really a ghost. Moreover, a person who is easily influenced by the poer of suggestion is unreliable. When he gets sick and his condition deteriorates, he becomes really foolish. Even after his body has recovered from the illness, he still suffers, thinking that his doctor has given up on him. And he can't regain his wits because of the suggestion that he is sick. Under these conditions, he can easily be influenced by a charismatic religious leader and after a mesmerising prayer, incantation, or laying on of hands believes that he has been cured. Anyone who is so easily manipulated is a ghost.

Sawaki Roshi: People often say that they saw the spirit of a dead person or that they dreamed of so and so when he was dying. It's just another detail in the vast landscape of samsara.

In the family

Sawaki Roshi: Too often, the home is nothing more than a place where husband and wife, parents and children, spoil one another and bind each other up in fatal ties.

Uchiyama Roshi: I don't think I am qualified to give advice to other people, but this world is a strange place. I say that because there are many people who come to me for advice about their family problems. They open their hearts to me and tell me about their home lives, sometimes traveling a great distance only for that purpose. Since this is a temple, they feel safe here, thinking that what they say will not leak out to others. I have been listening to them one by one for a number of years, frequently hearing the same story. People often get married only out of mutual sexual attraction. Although they may live together for many years, they never make an effort to form a relationship based on mutual respect. When they reach fifty and their sexual passion diminishes, they treat other like strangers or even hate each other and share a disordered house. They want to divorce, but cannot, because of the opinion of others, or their children, or their economic situation.
Consider the relationship between parents and children. No matter how much they hate each other, they are "similar figures" and when the corners of similar figures come into contact, there can be trouble: passionate mother and passionate daughter, stubborn father and stubborn son, greedy parent couple and greedy young couple, unfeeling parents and unfeeling children. It would be good if they could realize that they have horns pointing in the same direction and sympathize with one another. If they continually butt one another, it's just endless trouble. In order to create a home that is truly a place of rest, consideration, and love, we should respet each other's feelings and opinions, reflect upon ourselves, and make an effort to live in harmony with others.

My life

Sawaki Roshi: Human beings don't seem to wake up unless they are compelled to compete with each other for a prize. It would not be strange to run a race if we were ostriches; it would not be strange to swim a race if we were fur seals; it would not be strange to scramble for a ball if we were kittens.

Uchiyama Roshi: Spectator sports are popular now. Some people watch games all the time and make a big deal out of them. They hardly have any time to reflect on themselves. I wonder about them. If they say that it's just entertainment, I agree with them. But entertainment, like everything else, must be judged from the perspective of a constant questioning of the value of the contents of our lives.

Sawaki Roshi: Because they're bored, in order to kill time people are always agonizing, falling in love, drinking wine, reading novels, or watching sports; they are always doing things randomly and living from hand to mouth. For them, this world is ukiyo (floating or transitory world). It is the place where people are always wobbling, window shopping, and going by detours.

***

Everywhere in this world, people feel bored, so they go to war, brandishing deadly weapons as if they were children's toys, saying, "Right wing" or "Left wing." They do so because they think there must be something to it. But there isn't. Only the grave waits for us.

***

Human beings boast that Man is the lord of creation, but in fact, human beings don't even know how to take care of themselves and watch sports or pursue other vapid forms of entertainment to avoid facing themselves and then justify it all by saying that they are just like everyone else.

***

When children nag about something, their parents scold them and tell them that they are being unreasonable. These parents are also being unreasonable. This is Mumyo, ignorance of the true nature of existence, one of the twelve links in the chain of dependent origination.

The viewpoint of the ordinary person

Sawaki Roshi: In ancient times, direction had a kind of mystical significance (Direction here refers to the ancient belief concerning, for example the most auspicious place to build a new house.). Nowadays, we know that the earth goes around the sun and moreover, we throw toy balloons (satellites) around the earth so we can't figure out which direction is which anymore. A poem from the Kokkyoshu of Mo Soseki (1275-1351) says:

If you are deluded, the three worlds appear as a castle. (The three worlds are the worlds of desire, form and formlessness.)
If you are enlightened, the universe is sunyata. (Sunyata is emptiness, meaning that all phenomena are relative and depend upon other phenomena.)
Originally, there is neither East nor West.
How can you poin to the South or North?

What the poem says is true. There are neither lucky nor unlucky directions. You may agree about directions, but you probably still think that rich is better than poor. Children who grow up in a rich family may behave coldly toward their parents or fight with each other over their inheritance.

***

People often say, "This is real" or "That is true," but what is "real" or "true" is questionable. In any case, it is just real from the standpoint of an ordinary person.

Uchiyama Roshi: These days, since many young people live in housing developments, they don't care about direction in the way that people did when they built their own houses. Modern city dwellers only think of direction in terms of up or down on the social ladder. In any case, direction depends solely upon the individual's point of view. In an infinite universe, it has no significance. If you think that rich is good, poor is bad, a high position is great, beauty is wonderful, you have a limited perspective. It is the viewpoint of an ordinary person. If you think that the delusion of an ordinary person is bad and the enlightenment of Buddha is good, you are looking from a particular point of view. To stop looking from any point of view is zazen. That's why it says in the Heart Sutra, "Unborn, unextinguished. No defilement, no purity. No increase, no decrease."

Zazen rather than money

Sawaki Roshi: Lately, some priests manage inns in their temples. Funny thing about human beings. Some of them don't think about anything besides eating and earning money.

Uchiyama Roshi: When you worship an image of the Buddha as the Buddha, the Awakened One, it will be the Buddha for you. If you fight over the statue or if you sell it, it will only be an object of greed.
The temple where I live now does not have any supporters and has no income. For more than ten years, I have made my living by begging. Occasionally, out of kindness, someone will suggest to me that since Antaiji occupies 1.6 acres, I ought to rent out parking speces or make apartments or rent rooms to students and generate some income. My reaction to such a suggestion is that I don't know what would I do with the money. Antaiji is a Zen temple. If the roof leaks and I can't fix it, I should continue to do zazen in a spot where the water doesn't drip. If the building goes to ruin through the lack of repari, but I continue to do zazen, Antaiji wiould "become Buddha" (die peacefully). As long as I can repair it, I will. But if I can't, I will just continue to do zazen. Sawaki Roshi agreed with my attitude on this poin and said, "In my time and in your time, Antaiji is antai (at peace)." My deepest wish is that someone will always carry on with zazen here and leave Antaiji as it is, a poor temple, not only now, but forever.
How extremely delightful it would be to find some small corner in this world where money is not valued above everything else. But when I go begging, people in Kyoto give me alms and keep me from starving. I appreciate it.

Feeling like a king

Sawaki Roshi: Stop weeping! Out of timidity, you think that you are worthless and that others are great; you weep and worry about little things and if once in a while things go well, you become overjoyed.

Uchiyama Roshi: You never go hungry, though you don't produce a single grain of rice. You live in a house sheltered from the weather even though you can't cut a tree and saw it into boards. You wear fine clothes even though you don't know how to spin cotton into thread. You get light by pushing a button and water by turning a faucet. If you compare your present lifestyle to that of a king in Egyptian times, you would see that you live as if you had tens of slaves. When you use an electric fan, imagine that a beautiful girl fans you. When you watch TV, imagine that all the entertainers in the country have gathered to display their talents in order to amuse you, the King. It's fun to lord it over them and say, "You"re no good. Who can amuse me more?" and change the channel.
Please stop feeling inferior all the time, and stop comparing yourself with others. Instead, reflect upon yourself and think about whether you have a right to live so comfortably. How have you come to live in such favorable circumstances? Free of charge, you have the knowledge and the wealth which have been accumulated by human beings since the time men and women first appeared in this world.

My opinion

Sawaki Roshi: Everyone reads the sections of the newspaper in a different order. One person reads the stock market page first, another turns first to the sports page, a serial novel, the political columns. We are all different because we see things through our own individual discriminating consciousness. Grasping things with human thought, we each behave differently. We can't know the actual world, the world common to everyone, until we stop discriminating.

Uchiyama Roshi: One day, in downtown Kyoto, I heard: "We are the representatives for such-and-such a party. Let's protest." It was said over a loudspeaker, but I couldn't hear clearly what it was that they objected to. I could only hear them saying, "Let's protest! Let's protest!"
A stone is just a stone. It says nothing. Not only stones; all things are themselves just as they are. All objects are beyond evaluation, but we judge them and appraise them and give them a fixed value. Inevitably, a voice is raised saying, "Let's protest!" If it remains only a voice, it doesn't matter much. If the voice gives rise to war, which nowadays poses the very real threat of destroying the world, it's a big problem.
We can't stop seeing and thinking because we have eyes and brains. However, we should understand that the world we see and the thoughts we think are only movies in our heads. We must be careful not to cause serious problems by being led around by our thoughts. Zazen is the posture that allows us to see through the illusion of our thinking selves.

Sawaki Roshi: People often say, "In my opinion..." Anyhow, "my opinion" is no good -- so keep your mouth shut!

Science and human beings

Sawaki Roshi: Scientific progress is possible because scientists base their work on the information accumulated by other scientists and further develop their findings. Human beings have never come to greatness because they can't receive anything of real value from others. Human beings are like immature kids playing with lethal weapons. It's very dangerous.

Uchiyama Roshi: Some people think that in the future, scientific advancement will make every human being wealthy, solve every problem and make us all happy. When I hear someone speaking in this way, I think he is really simple-minded. It is as if he were riding a train and thinking about the first-class coach which is air-conditioned and very comfortable, while he himself is covered with sweat, standing in the aisle of a crowded second class coach on a summer's night.
As science and technology continue to advance, some of the big problems of the present will be solved. When I was young, my wife died in tuberculosis. If the medicines we have now had been available then, I would not have lost her. I sincerely appreciate scientific advancement. But it is nonsense to think that all the problems in life can be solved through scientific advancement. Science is the possession of mankind. Mankind is an abstract concept of a biological kind. Mankind existed ten thousand years ago and will exist ten thousand years from now. Yet, each of us has a transitory life of only about seventy or eighty years. In the seventy or eighty years that are given to us, it is a very real problem if we don't learn how to manage our lives.
It's not bad to dream about the future of science, but it is more important to see the whole picture of our short lives and to find the place where we can settle down. (In Dogen Zenji's Gakudo Yojinshu it says, "The Way lies under the foot of every man," so the place where we can settle down is not somewhere else but right here.)

To lose

Sawaki Roshi: To study Buddhism is to study loss. Shakyamuni Buddha is a good example. He left his kingdom, his beautiful wise, his lovely child, and his splendid clothes and became a mendicant with bare feet and a shabby robe. All the Buddhas and ancestors suffer loss intentionally.
It is a very big mistake if a Buddhist priest want to rise in the world. Anyhow, we monks are all beggars from head to toe.

Uchiyama Roshi: For ordinary people, the easiest things to understand are loss and gain and our basic premise is that gain is better than loss. Shakyamuni Buddha was quite an unusual person. He walked the way of loss without ever considering the possibility of personal gain. Why did he do so? Because all conditioned things are impermanent, and mankind's conceptions of loss and gain are constantly changing. So, Shakyamuni Buddha gave up the life of loss and gain and walked the way beyond loss and gain. He did this intentionally in order to show us the way because ordinarily people dream of gain without loss.
The way beyond loss and gain is the life of the stable self that exists before splitting into subject and object; it is beyond gain and loss, lucky and unlucky, rich and poor, superior and inferior. Whether you are poor or rich, sick or healthy, whatever our circumstances, only when you accpet them unconditionally and live the self that is firmly established in the self, can you manifest the absolute stability of the religious life.

Sawaki Roshi: All sentient beings are deluded. They think their unhappy affairs are happy and their happy affairs are unhappy and are always kicking and screaming. When you give a piece of candy to a kid who is crying, he grins with his eyes full of tears. The happiness that sentient beings talk about is no better than that.

Halfway zazen

Sawaki Roshi: There is a book called Zen and the Cultivation of your Hara. Such hara is nothing but insensitivity.

***

Zen Tenma (Zen Tenma is short of "Zen is the action of the devil," one of the phrases used by Nichiren to criticise other Buddhist schools in Japan when he first founded his own sect.) means that an ordinary person gets satori. In short, a human being becomes great.

***

To make an ordinary person great is not the goal of the Buddha's teaching.

***

People say that you can cultivate hara by doing Zazen. That hara is worthless; to know this is real hara and true stability.

Uchiyama Roshi: Some people take it for granted that the goal of Zen practice is to get satori and become courageous. Others believe that Zen is tenma, the devil. But the zazen transmitted by Shakyamuni Buddha, Bodhidharma, Dogen Zenji and Sawaki Roshi is true religion and teaches us the ultimate way of life. True zazen is not something that satisfies an ordinary person's half-baked desires, like the desire to cure disease, or to earn money, or to be successful in life. The zazen that gives you satori and makes you courageous so that you are able to frighten off the bill collector with a yell, is also half-baked. Any teaching that professes to make an ordinary person great is tenma.
The zazen which Sawaki Roshi taught is not a practice by which an ordinary person becomes great. Judged by our small minds, the zazen that he taught is useless, but in reality it is the practice of real religion. He taught zazen as stability in life, as the ultimate expression of the buddha-dharma beyond subject and object, birth and death, delusion and enlightenment.

Seeing according to one's karma

Sawaki Roshi: When talking about the moon, we sometimes say it looks happy, sometimes we say it looks sad; sometimes we enjoy ourselves drinking sake while looking at it. Each moon that is seen by a human being corresponds to his karma and none of them are real.

Uchiyama Roshi: That the moon corresponds to one's karma means that the way we see the moon is conditioned by our previous actions.
There are scientists and engineers who look at the moon only with their incomplete, conditioned viewpoints and think, "How can we make a soft landing on the moon with a rocket carrying a man?" There are geologists who look at the moon with their conditioned viewpoints who wonder, "What kind of rocks are up there?" The moon looks happy to a person who has fulfilled his expectations and it looks sad to a person who has lost hope. To a drinker, it looks like a side dish for sake.
Some people misunderstand Buddhism as a teaching of resignation, and think, "I can't help it... it's my karma..." Buddhism is not like that. Buddhism is the teaching that softens one's rigid point of view, dissolves the illusions of the karmic self and allows one to see life as it is.

Sawaki Roshi: Go-kan, seeing according to one's karma, is the coming out of one's good or bad past actions in the present. For example, and old widow, who has lived her whole life obsessed with sex, might still be obsessed with sex and be jealous of yound couples.

***

An ordinary person is pushed and pulled by his karma and sees the world only through its lens. Such people only continue to spoil each other life after life, world after world. This is samsara. If you take off the glasses of karma, you can see what Shakyamuni said when he attained enlightenment, "I, this world, and all sentient beings attain the way simultaneously; and mountains and rivers, grasses, trees, and all things become Buddha."

Aborting the self

Sawaki Roshi: Zazen is like going back into your mother's womb. So, it is not a task.

Uchiyama Roshi: A boy became a delinquent because of his bad friends. He frequently demanded money from his mother and frivolously wasted his time. One day he encountered his mother in the street and demanded money from her. Unable to contain herself any longer, she scolded him, "Do you think I have money for you? You are old enough to be independent, but you have no job and you worry me a lot." He replied, "I did not ask you to give birth to me. Why did you have me?" Most parents can't answer this question. When I was in my twenties and my parents scolded me for this or that, I would say, "Why did you have me?" and that silenced them immediately. But the mothers of the post-war generation are shrewd indeed. She said, "Oh, that's too bad. You have grown so big that I can't put you back in my womb. Become small again, and get back into my womb. If you can do that, I will gladly have an abortion."
Whenever I heard an interesting story like this, I would tell it to Sawaki Roshi while serving him a cup of tea. I think that if he had heard this story, he would have said, "Zazen is the posture in which we are aborted before birth."

In order to eat

Sawaki Roshi: People half-wittedly believe that someone who can live luxuriously must be great. I am amazed that people envy the rich.

Uchiyama Roshi: I once eavesdropped on a conversation between two housewives. The first was married to an average salaried worker who probably earned fifty or sixty thousand yen month. The second said proudly, "In my family, we need at least two hundred thousand yen a month. We recently bought a new car for our son." Although the first woman listened to us with envy and awe, her companion would probably feel nervous and small if she found herself in the company of a very rich, high-society woman. A fifty or sixty thousand yen income is not small nor is a two hundred thousand yen income great, but simple-minded people seem to believe that a person's income is an indication of his value as a person.
Consider the case of a woman who's husband tires of the usual grind and says that when he reaches the age limit and retires, he would like to spend his time doing zazen. I am sure she would say, "What about our life together? Do you really think you will have enough time to do zazen?" She would grab him by his collar, pull him up, and apply the whip. If he had to raise his dead-tired body with a supreme effort of will and go panting once more through the world of loss and gain with the "assistance" of his wife, it would be so pitiful a sight that a timid person like myself would not be able to look him in the eye.

Sawaki Roshi: Human beings make a big deal out of earning a living.

***

People often say that they are busy. Busy with what? They are only busy at earning their livings. Chickens also busy themselves eating food, but they eat food only to be eaten by human beings.

Miserable heavenly beings

Sawaki Roshi: Most people cannot make a living through their own power, but the social system feeds them. One who makes his living with his title or position is the weakest person of all.

Uchiyama Roshi: It is interesting to consider the Buddhist concept, "heavenly being." One who is perched on the clouds oin heaven and lives in comfort there, though he is without real power, is a heavenly being. A great many of us are heavenly beings who live in the paradise known as modern civilization. And yet, we complain about our lives. Unfortunately, we would starve to death if we were thrown out into Mother Nature naked and alone.
If the president of a company that built some huge building thinks that he himself built it, he's making a big mistake. He just happened to be at the top of an organization that united forces in an all-out effort to construct the building. He couldn't have made a single piece of reinforced iron rod by himself. Modern men and women only play tug-of-war with each other, vying for illusory power in the clouds of the social system. Although the system looks solid, it is, in fact, as trasitory as clouds. Hitler once lived on the immense cloud of Fascism, but in the end, he was alone.
Only when those clouds known as the social system suddenly disappear, do heavenly beings realize their powerlessness and at this time, they are already falling to earth.
In a noh song, it is said, "Heavenly beings lament the five signs of decay." (The five signs of the decay of celestial being. In the Abdhidharma-Kosa (Abidatsuma-Kusha), Fascicle 10, two kinds of five signs are given. The first kind is: their robes become dirty, their hair flowers fade, their bodies smell bad, they sweat under their arms, and they do not enjoy their original status.) What a pitiful sight it is when their robes become dirty and tattered. The higher they were in heaven, the worse they suffer when they fall to the ground.

Sawaki Roshi: It is a mistake to climb up to a place from which sooner or later you have to fall. "No falling" is the life of a monk or nun, one who has left home.

Only when we practice

Sawaki Roshi: Religion is not something for remaking the outside world. It is for remaking our eyes, ears and point of view.

Uchiyama Roshi: There was a man who had an interesting habit. He liked to see Sawaki Roshi and talk about zazen when he was drunk. Unaware of this, when he first came to Antaiji, I showed him into Sawaki Roshi's room. Naturally, he lost the thread of the conversation and just babbled in his cups. Because he was drunk, it was very difficult for me to convince him to go home.
When he came again and asked to see Sawaki Roshi, I remembered what had happened the last time and realized from his breath that he was again under the influence of sake, so I received him myself. As he began to talk about zazen being this or that, I told him to be sober if he wanted to talk about zazen. When you do zazen, the world of zazen appears in front of your without any explanation. But when you are drunk, whatever you say is just something from the world of sake. It's just drunken entertainment.

Sawaki Roshi: Goemon Ishikawa (his family name means "stone river") said poetically, "Even though the sands of the beach of Ishikawa might disappear, the seed of the thief will never be exhaused." This means that the universe is filled with thief-nature. You don't become a thief unless you ape Goemon's example. It is the same with buddha-nature. This world is filled with buddha-nature, but you don't become Buddha unless you follow Buddha's example. You are Buddha only when you practice Buddha.

***

Religion is not a concept, but a practice.

***

The practice of religion is something real. It is not like an advertisement for a patent medicine that exaggerates its good effects.

The stability of one whole life

Sawaki Roshi: We don't practice zazen in order to get enlightened; we practice zazen being pulled every which way by enlightenment.

Uchiyama Roshi: To fall in love is ecstasy, but marriage is everyday life. Everyday life has rainy days, windy days, and stormy days. So you can't always be happy. It's the same with zazen. There are two kinds of zazen transmitted in Japan. One understands zazen as ecstasy and the other understands zazen as everyday life.
A basic concept in Buddhism is that subject and object are one. The significance of this depends on whether you interpret the samadhi of oneness as a psychological condition of ecstasy that mystically transcends the limits of the "everyday mind" or whether you actually practice it in your daily life. Those who hold the former view often express the samadhi of oneness through art and literature. The sensitive viewer or reader is allowed a glimpse of ecstasy. The Zen that D. T. Suzuki and other writers have presented to the world is of this sort. However, the zazen that has been handed down from Dogen Zenji to Sawaki Roshi is the actual foundation of the religious life. It is the practice of continuous awareness in the midst of delusion, without attachment to delusion or enlightenment. As Shinran said, "Although I don't know at all whether I'll go to hell or heaven by nenbutsu, I just do it." This is the zazen in which you don't need to think about whether you will go to heaven or get enlightened. Religious practice is not something to make a show of and it is not merely a form of intellectual appreciation. It is the self fervently making the self into the self. In life, there are rainy days, windy days, and stormy days, but whatever happens, just settle yourself in zazen.

Sawaki Roshi: The life in which you are glared at by zazen, scolded by zazen, obstructed by zazen, pulled by zazen, and get along with tears in your eyes is the happiest life, isn't it?

Being overly self-conscious

Sawaki Roshi: Adults, because they have become twisted, can make a big fuss over a single word. Babies never care. If you try to put a baby to shame, you can't. Only an adult can be put to shame or get angry, because he confronts others and is hypnotized by himself. You had better straighten this out.

Uchiyama Roshi: On first impression, Sawaki Roshi always seemed to see the "big picture" and to be unaffected by little things. On the other hand, he was a careful person who behaved impeccably. I always act carelessly, even though I am morbidly nervous and anxious about everything. In the middle of a solemn ceremony, I am extremely self-conscious and so confused that I make a big mess of it. Afterwards I feel shame and remorse. But since my childhood, I have been so sensitive that in self-defenc, I ended up settling myself in the stability of "Whatever happens, I am I." As long as I think about maintaining my self-image and avoiding shame, I can not settle down. Shy is shy. Careless is careless. There's nothing to do about it. Ultimately, the stability of "Whatever happens I am I" is zazen as religion. Even if we don't become refined and elegant, like an expert at kendo or like a master of noh or of the tea ceremony, it doesn't matter, does it? Even if we totter like a baby or trudge along like an old man on the way of life, as long as we continue zazen practice, it's okay.

Sawaki Roshi: To know that there is no way to fail in becoming a Buddha is issaichi (the wisdom which understands the total aspect of phenomena). The night train carries you along even when you are sleeping.

A holy man

Sawaki Roshi: Someone once said, "When I listen to your sermons, my faith cools down." I try to cool the faith of people like that on purpose, because that kind of faith is just superstition. Another person once said, "Although I listen to your sermons, I cannot have faith in what you say." That is, he was not enthralled by superstition.

Uchiyama Roshi: Once in a while, people abandon dogs or cats on the grounds of our temple. We cannot keep them here and are obliged to send them elsewhere. Anyway, these deserted pets wag their tails and nestle up to us as if they were trying to charm us into keeping them. It's a pitiful sight. They are so dependent. If a dog has an owner and is taken for a walk and it runs into other dogs, it wants to fight with them. It rushes upon people, too. If its owner gets angry and hits it, it doesn't resist at all.
In the same way that a dog looks for a master, there are many people who seek a holy man to worship. As long as there is a demand, a supply will appear in front of them. Thus, venerable preachers and holy gurus are created. But, sad to say, they are just striking a pose for their followers. Religion does not exist to satisfy the needs of believers in the way that a master satisfies the needs of his dog. Religion is for people who want to live a life of freedom and integrity. In Christianity, it is said that a minister who is so great that God becomes veiled in clouds is a bad minister.

Sawaki Roshi: Some religious leaders think that their success is a matter of attracting believers through self-aggrandizement.

***

A spiritual teacher proclaims, "I will remain celibate all my life." There are many kinds of masks.

The despair of an ordinary person

Sawaki Roshi: To practice religion means to reflect upon yourself and critically examine your life.

Uchiyama Roshi: Sometimes I imagine myself being sent to prison. I don't know what society will be like in the future. If a leader like Hitler, Stalin or Mao Tse-tung gained control, I could be sent to prison if the authorities were to find some fault with me.
I read somewhere, "To imprison a minority is to set a majority at ease with the thought, 'I am not as bad as they are.'" I doubt that only the people in prison are bad. Personally, when I sincerely evaluate my life and expose myslef to the absolute light of religion, I can't help thinking that I will doubtless go to hell because of my absurd conduct. Do I have any excuses? No! In the absolute world, I don't have a single excuse. In a sutra it is said, "If you wish to repent, sit properly (in zazen posture) and see the real form."
I always despair of myself. But I make it a rule to do zazen, telling myself that it is only the despair of an ordinary person. Can you see that despair is nutrition for the Absolute?

Sawaki Roshi: Life is full of inconsistencies. One person will criticize another saying, "Look what he did," when that's exactly what the one who criticizes wants to do.

***

 

The more sober you are, the smaller you see yourself.

***

Shikantaza (to just sit) is the highest point that a living man can reach.

Zazen and delusion

Sawaki Roshi: When they are in the middle of a quarrel, a husband and wife can't see that their quarelling arises from their delusions. If they practice zazen, they come to understand clearly that they quarel because of their delusions.

Uchiyama Roshi: I enjoyed the cartoon by Katsuko Ikari, a student at Tokyo Liberal Arts University, in the college cartoon contest sponsored by the Asahi newspaper. In the picture, Adam is trying to vomit what he has eaten, while Eve is looking at him axiously, saying, "Adam, hasn't that apple come up yet?"
If Sawaki Roshi had seen this cartoon, he would have said, "Zazen is the posture from which to vomit the apple." We should not think of it as existing in the remote past, but understand that we are constantly eating and regurgirating the apple, as for example, in a marital dispute. We have a sense of "I" because of our delusion, and with this illusory ego we disturb others with our selfish actions. That's what it means to eat the apple of sin. Though we are always deluded, we aren't aware of it. Why? Because we are completely sunk into our delusions and deal with them as if they were an accurate reflection of reality.
When we do zazen and become calm, we see clearly just how deluded we are. Zazen is indeed the posture of "God, be Thou merciful to me, a sinner (Luke 18:13)." When we do zazen, we realize the illusory nature of thought and no matter how powerful the illusions might be, we don't chase after them or try to get rid of them or act upon them. So, zazen is the posture, the true expression of "That our old man was crucified with him (Romans 6:6)." It is the purest expression of, "Be still and know I am God (Psalms 46:10)."

The spectator of Zen boom

Sawaki Roshi: During the Taisho period (1912-1926), Kubutsu Ohtani (Ohtani Koen (1875-1943; Kubutsu was his name as a haiku writer) He was the 23rd abbot of Honganji.), a priest of the Jodo-shin sect of the Pureland school and a descendent of the founder, Shinran, was famous becasue he gave a ten thousand yen tip to a geisha. Yet, he wrote this haiku, "How gracious! The Patriarch (Shinran) wore paper clothes for ninety years." This haiku is good but how could it have been written by a man who gave a ten thousand yen tip to a geisha? I don't like poets when they lie.

Uchiyama Roshi: During the Taisho period, ten thousand yen equaled a man's entire fortune. I also heard the story of Kubutsu Ohtani's extravagant ways, although I was just a boy at the time. I guess he lived his sotted life forgetting that a monk is a beggar from head to toe. Yet, he liked to show his appreciation of the simple and austere religious life of the Patriarch.
In the tea ceremony, the spirit of wabi and sabi (Wabi and sabi are abbreviations of wabishii and sabishii. Wabishii literally means misearable, lonely, and sabishi means lonely, solitary, desolate. They are the spirit of the tea ceremony and haiku.) are not observed anymore. Nowadays, tea ceremony plays at wabi and sabi. If we think of it as an art or a hobby taught at a finishing school, it's all right. But we should not assume the same attitude toward our religious life. Religion should be reflected in our daily lives and not be something that is just appreciated from a distance.
We human beings are somehow too lazy to practice. We want to have a taste of practice from a non-involved standpoint of appreciation, like sight-seers. In the same way as spectator sports, which are very popular, the Zen boom is a spectator Zen boon or a Zen sight-seeing boom.
People have stereotyped ideas of Zen priests as being spledid, free and easy, unselfish and frank, like characters in a storybook. They go sight-seeing in Zen temples and find them beautiful because of their simplicity and cleanliness. These people are only appreciating the art of atmoshpere. Needless to say, they are not concerned with religious practice.

Sawaki Roshi: Hey! What are you gawking at? Don't you see, it's about you?

No use

Sawaki Roshi: What is the use of doing zazen? There is no use in doing zazen. Until this penetrates your thick skull and you are really doing zazen that is of no use, it is really of no use.

Uchiyama Roshi: Throughout his life, Sawaki Roshi said: "There is no use in doing zazen." In 1941, I became a monk, one of his disciples. Soon after, I asked him, "If I study under you and practice zazen for as long as you are able to teach, can I become a stronger person?" He immediately replied, "No, you can't, no matter how hard you try. I did not become the person I am because of zazen. By nature I am this way. I haven't changed since my youth."
Sawaki Roshi was unconventional and dynamic. He was the type of person who embodied in himself the image of the ancient Zen master. When I heard his response to my question, I thought, "I can be a stronger person through zazen. He said otherwise, but that was just talk." With this belief, I served him and continued practicing zazen until he died. Thinking back to my past, I now realize that there is no use in doing zazen. I am still a coward and never became a little like Sawaki Roshi. A violet blossoms as a violet and a rose blossoms as a rose. For violets, there is no need to produce rose blossoms.

Sawaki Roshi: Everybody bears his own karma, but it is important that we are all led by Buddha. Shinjin-datsuraku (casting aside body and mind) means that we throw away our egos, believe Buddha's teaching and are led by Buddha.

Impulses of the moment

Sawaki Roshi: Sometimes the same person's behaviour looks lovely and at other times it looks terrible. On New Year's Day and on New Year's Eve, the very same sun rises and sets.

Uchiyama Roshi: When a man falls in love with a woman, even her flaws are beautiful. Whatever she does seems lovely to him. But after he begins married life with her, he gradually tires of some aspects of her behaviour. He watches her and thinks, "Now, she is going to do this and then she'll do that." Then she does just as he expected and he feels digusted with her. His point of view toward her starts changing and her point of view toward him starts changing. If they are emotionally immature, their relationship will collapse. They have used up all their affection during the "honeymoon" period and as a result of their selfish behaviour, with a plea of incompability of temperaments, they will divorce, or have affairs with others. It is very difficult to be more than merely infatuated with someone, but to love them sincerely. Romantic love is ecstasy and intoxication, but marriage is living as if on a long voyage. You must get over and stem a million waves. What are the million waves? They are the waves in your own mind. (Uchiyama Roshi often said the word translated here as "mind" or "humor". "kokoro" in Japanese, is derived from the word "korokoro" which is used for something that is always rolling over and over.) If you just drift along, acting on the impulses of the moment, you will simply sink.
To live a religious life of zazen is to watch your mind always changing and to have the stability of not wavering. On New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, different suns don't rise. When you are at odds with someone, you had better see that this conflict is just thought, reorient yourself and welcome a new day.

Sawaki Roshi: If the skin on your head is too thick, like a shaddock's you can't absorb anything. If your head is too simple, like a soldier's you can't be flexible. Life must be vivid and flexible.

 

A rose is a rose

Sawaki Roshi: The buddha-way is to not be distracted. It is to become your role to the bone. This attitude is called samadhi or shikan. We don't eat food to take a shit. We don't take a shit to make manure. But in recent years, most people think that you go to high school to get into collage and go to collage to get a good job.

Uchiyama Roshi: It's a big mistake to think that enthusiasm for education means to pressure children to study hard for good grades or to pass exams as rewards for their efforts or to press them to compete with others. In the case of precocious children, they might see that competition is silly and give up studying entirely. In the case of sensitive and timid children, they might be discouraged by it and become neurotic. Children who study under their parents' and teachers' thumbs are more or less simple minded. They are like the children of beasts.
If I was a school teacher, I would like to tell my students that they don't have to get good marks or enter a prestigious school, but that they should do the best they can. It is natural that a violet blossoms as a violet and that a rose blossoms as a rose. There is no need to labour with the thought, "I am like a violet, but I am not satisfied with producing violet blossoms; I want to blossom with roses." If a violet an't produce a violet blossom, its life is corrupted and it's no good. If you ask me whether you are a violet or a rose, I don't know. You don't need to decide that. Indeed, unknown possibility is your life. I'd tell my students that during study hours they had better let those hours blossom as study hours because if they sleep, read a comic book, or eat their lunch early, then the flower of their school hours does not open.

Impurity and impoliteness

Sawaki Roshi: In Buddhism, the worst thing is zenna, impurity. To swagger like the director or president of a company is impurity. To purify this impurity is samadhi.

Uchiyama Roshi: One evening last winter, a few days before the first anniversary of Sawaki Roshi's death, a student who lives at Antaiji and is planning to beome a monk came to me and said, "A priest has arrived." So I went to the entrance and saw Taiko Furukawa Roshi, the kanchó (The kanchó is the administrative head of a subsect within one of the major Zen schools in Japan (Rinzai and Sótó) and abbot of its headquarter temple.) of Myóshinji standing there. I said, "It's very kind of you to come, please come in." He replied, "I already offered incense for Sawaki Roshi; I'm very sorry, but I have to go now." Ashamed, I saw him to the car.
Furukawa Roshi came and comforted Sawaki Roshi just after he had shut himself in at Antaiji. Then, after Sawaki Roshi's death, he came and offered incense for him twice. The last time he came, I was no here, and yet I did not write a letter of apology to him. Antaiji is a humble little temple that rarely receives important visitors. When he first came to see Sawaki Roshi, I said to him, "I must tell you that we are no prepared to receive a kancho at Antaiji," but he did not care about that. I could not help being surprised by his fuzenna, innocence. Perhaps, it was because of his age (over 90). At the same time, I could not help being surprised by the student. When I complained to him, saying, "He is the kancho of Myoshinji, so you should have told me right away," he replied innocently. "What's a kanchó?" Somehow, it seemed that I was the most defiled one and I was very sorry about it.
In Zen there is the saying, "The high place should be stable as a high place and the low place should be stable as a low place." So if one is too pure, he probably disturbs the order of human society and is rude to people. In short, although fuzenna (nondefilement) is the ideal, we will always be soiled, in some way. Living in human society, we never stop repenting our impurities, do we?

Sawaki Roshi: Those who don't see distinctions are fools. Those who are always anxious about distinctions are mediocre people. (Once the Sixth Patriarch (Eno9 asked Nangaku Ejo, "Why do we practice and seek enlightenment?" Nangaku said, "Practice and enlightenment are not 'not here', but they cannot be gained if there is any impurity." The Sixth Patriarch then said, "No impurity' is what all the Buddhas preserve. You are like that; I am like that; indeed, all the Patriarchs in India said the same thing."

A made-up story

Sawaki Roshi: There's always something clotted in a human mind. To follow any "ism" is to be bigoted. If you are bigoted, you cannot see the buddha-dharma, no matter how closely you are facing it.

***

A thought is nothing but a made-up story. Buddha-dharma is everything before we make up stories.

Uchiyama Roshi: Sawaki Roshi made strenuous efforts to teach the buddha-dharma with vivid, modern, everyday expressions. He always told us, "Thanks to the mischievous students of the Fifth High School in Kumamoto I did not become a priest in the Buddhist Establishment." When I am with young students, as soon as I use Buddhist terms or quote passages from the Buddhist scriptures, they start to yawn. If I keep on doing it and ignore their response, they stay away from me.
Buddhist terms and quotations from Buddhist scriptures are only enumerations of signs, only other people's thoughs expressed through words. So, these young students feel that there's not a breath of life in them. The reason Japanese Buddhism has declined is that it has been taught using only these fixed forms. Every "ism" or ideology is only a rigidly formalized system of thought, though perhaps some of them aren't codified and stereotyped as much as Buddhism is in Japan.
The original buddha-dharma is not something created by human thought. Before we try to be creative, we should discover the self and pursue our activities with stability. In Buddhism, it is said, "Don't be attached even to the Buddha or the Dharma." This means that to practice the buddha-dharma is to be free from adherence to any idea or "ism" and to use our lives freely, right now.

Self-interest

Sawaki Roshi: To do good can be bad. There are people who do good deeds in order to adorn themselves.

Uchiyama Roshi: Suppose someone visits leprosariums and sanatoriums for TB patients with gifts, saying, "I would like to help you so that you can undergo medical treatment with as little trouble as possible." Then, he becomes a candidate for the Diet, saying, "How do you do? I am a supporter of you patients. I will complete facilities for you if I win a seat in the Diet." He wins a seat in the Diet and makes an effort to complete the facilities for those patients, but he also pockets a rake-off and enriches himself. Is he a supporter of patients or does he exploit them? That's a very delicate question. I regret that this is the way it is in human society. You should judge yourself by yourself, imagining that you stand alone before God and receive His judgement.
The reason we are always disappointed with politics now (in Japan) is that there is hardly anyone like the men who devoted their lives to politics in the Meiji and early Taisho eras, but mostly people who engate in politics for selfish reasons.
It is the same with religion. Everything turns on whether one believes in religion in order to improve oneself or whether one lets go of the mind that wants to gain something. The former is a heretic who exploits God and the Buddha, and the latter is a truly religious person. When you see someone prostrate himself before God or the Buddha, praying devotedly, it's impossible to know whether his faith is true or false. It depends on the final accounting of his actions. Even if he is a holy person respected by many people, it's the same.

Sawaki Roshi: We all must reflect upon ourselves, with eyes open, in regard to what motivates our actions. Somehow, before we know it, we are worried about our appearance, like an entertainer. If our practice is like a performance in front of an audience, it can not be religion as buddha-dharma.

Being impecable

Sawaki Roshi: Our lives are complicated. There are times of war when fires fall from the sky, and there are times when we have afternoon naps with the kotatsu (kotatsu is a kind of heater, covered with a quilt, heated with charcoal or electricity.). Sometimes we have to work all night and sometimes we relax and drink sake. Buddha-dharma is the Buddha's teaching about how to manage these various situations.

Uchiyama Roshi: Musashi Miyamoto (1584?-1645) was en expert in Japanese fencing during the early Edo period. He wrote the tactical work, Gorinnosho, The Book of Five Rings.) is said to have never taken a bath. That was because while taking a bath, he would be vulnerable. If you want to become really good at some art, you must have a strong will and train hard, like he did. But for most people, it's impossible to do that.
Some people try hard to practice zazen, thinking that Zen is the cultivation of one's will and self-discipline. Their practice may become impressive, but it can not be called zazen as religion, something that can be practiced by anyone. Sawaki Roshi always taught us to be impeccable, but he did not mean the kind of exaggerated prudence by which one never takes a bath. What he was referring to was the way we can live our lives, stormy days and calm days, always under the protection of the Buddha.
The other day, someone came here and said that he would like to come over more often and do zazen under my guidance, but that Antaiji is too far from his house to do so regularly. He said that he would continue to practice at home and wanted to know how to avoid doing zazen incorrectly. I told him that if his wife and children say, "Daddy has become nice since he began to do zazen," his zazen is being done correctly.

Sawaki Roshi: There is often the case of the man who thinks that he alone is right, even though his whole family hates him. As long as you think that you alone are right, you are not right, to say nothing of the lay practitioner who prides himself upon his "satori," but is hated by his family.

Dogen Zenji

Sawaki Roshi: One reason that Dogen Zenji is so fascinating is that he understood buddha-dharma as the self, not as a fairly tale for mediocre people.

Uchiyama Roshi: What attracted me to Dogen Zenji was his statement, "To study the buddha-way is to study the self." From the time I was sixteen or seventeen years old, I was troubled by my life and began to study Western Philosophy and Christianity. After finding the writings of Dogen Zenji, I felt a powerful desire to become a monk in his school. I was quite lucky to be able to study under Sawaki Roshi who, with his modern sensibility, understood Dogen Zenji's Buddhism as starting from the self. Now I can see the truth in Christianity and in the Pure Land sect of Buddhism. I think it was natural that I could not accept them when I was young because the starting point of these teachings seemed to require a belief in the Atonement of the Cross or a belief in the Salvation of Amitaba's Vow. I couldn't see how they related to my own life.
If, denying our intelligence and powers of reason, we believe stories about people in the past because they were written in the Bible or the scriptures, then we must also believe the stories about superhuman beings who lived in the past because they were written in the books. This is only an example ofte the modern point of view. Modern people cannot stop saying, "Because intelligence is also a function of the self, we should not deny it." Most people are so argumentative, so dull and inferior. The reason Dogen Zenji can persuade such captious, dull, inferior people to begin Zen practice is because he teaches us that, to study the buddha-way is to study the self. Dogen Zenji's teaching persuades people that although reason is on of the functions of the self, the self can not be grasped by reason. It leads to the truth of the self beyond reason.

The value of things

Sawaki Roshi: When you're not sick, you forget about your body. When they were strong, I walked or ran without worrying about my feet. Lately, it seems that my feet are my biggest problem. Being healthy, you just work, forgetting about your health.
If something weighs on your mind, it's wrong. If shinpó (shinpó is mind contrasted with matter.) does not arise, then there is nothing the matter with you.

* * *

My sermons are criticized by certain audiences. They say that my sermons are hollow, not holy. I agree with them because I myself am not holy. The Buddha's teaching guides people to the place where there is nothing special.

* * *

People often misunderstand faith as a kind of ecstasy or intoxication. There are illusions and intoxications which seem holy. True faith is to sober up from such intoxication.

Uchiyama Roshi: What is the most important thing in life? A lot of people would reply, "Money!" But money isn't the most important thing for us. First of all, it's air; then, water, temperature, light, food, etc. Money is farther down on the list. Since our country is blessed with air and water, we Japanese completely forget the value of air and water. Moreover, this air and water must be pure, without odor or taste. They must be things in which there is nothing particular. This "nothing in particular" is so natural, that we don't realize that it is the most important thing in life.
To manifest our lives as life, purely, without being polluted or pulled or pushed by anything is the essential teaching in Buddhism. In short, Buddha's teaching guides people to the place where there is nothing the matter. Life based on the buddha-dharma means to live, sobering up from all forms of intoxication.

Conditioned point of view

Sawaki Roshi: In the Joyuishiki-ron (Vijinaptimatratasiddhi-sastra - is a commentary by Dharmapala on Vasubandhu's Trimsikavijnaptimatratasiddhi, which is the basic text of the Yogacara School.) it says, "Naishiki (the function of mind, will, consciousness) turns and it seems as if the universe splits in two." When the original consciousness arises, it seems to us that subject ("I") and object (the world) exist separately. We start to make a fuss, chasing after or escaping from the object. Delusion is a strange thing.

Uchiyama Roshi: I often hear office women sayin, "The trouble is not the work but the human relationships in the office." I suppose it's true. The difficulty of the office work is not just in the amount of work. If you have a lot to do, you can handle it by working at night or over holidays. But with human relationships in the office, the poeple whom you can't stand are before your eyes everyday, and you can't handle that by working over-time.
I think there are two kinds of people we can't stand. One is the kind of person about whom people say, "I feel uneasy about everything he does because he is always trying to please the boss." About the other kind, people say, "He hates whatever I do." Anyhow, you come into contact with people who irritate you everyday. Finally, you cannot bear it any longer and explode with anger, or you hold in your chronic discontent and make yourself crazy. When there is a person who bugs you, it is not only beause he exists, but also because of your conditioned point of view. We must understand this thoroughly.
If we have a good appetite, delicious food attracts our attention. If we feel sexual desire, the opposite sex attracts our attention. In other words, only when appetite and sexual desire exist, will the world responding to those conditions appear before us. When naishiki (the individual life force called "I") arises, the world which "I" see, according to my conditioned consciousness will appear and seeing it, I pursue of flee from the objects that I perceive in it.

The actuality

Sawaki Roshi: We often say, "I saw it with my own eyes" or "I heard it with my own ears," but these eyes and ears are not reliable. We are all taken in by our eyes, ears, noses, tongues, bodies and our thoughts. We also often talk about happiness and unhappiness, but these are just transitory feelings.

Uchiyama Roshi: There was a student who once visited here. He began his questions by asking me if I supported the Emperor System. At that moment I understood that he was simple-minded fellow who had been infected with rightism. Nowadays there isn't any right or wrong with respect to the Emperor System, but this student's attitude seemed to be that the Emperor System was the basic problem and only after he determined my attitude toward it, could we begin to talk about other things. This made me laugh.
During the student riots of the seventies, there were a lot of people who thought that the talk about the riots was the reality of the riots. At the time of Yukio Mishima's harakiri, there were a lot of people who thought that the talk about Yukio Mishima was the reality of Yukio Mishima. Revolutions and wars develop out of the conditioned points of view of these kinds of people. These people are far from reality. How hallucinatory their lives are!

Sawaki Roshi: People often say, "Reality, reality," but it is just a dream. It's reality in the dream. People think revolutions and wars are astounding, but they are just struggles in a dream. At the point of death, you might easily understand, "Oh! that was just a dream."

* * *

When you dream, it's difficult to see that you are dreaming. If you pinch your cheek, you feel pain; this pain is also in the dream. We are interacting with one another in a dream, so we don't recognize the dream for what it is.

* * *

Everybody is in his own dream. The discrepancies that exist between the dreams are the problem.

Giving up the sense of "I"

Sawaki Roshi: One cannot maintain oneself by oneself. Only when one gives up the idea of "I", will one naturally become the self which is connected with the universe.

Uchiyama Roshi: In our everyday life, when we want to talk about something, we freely talk about it. When we want to go somewhere, before long, we are on our way. No sooner do we intend to possess something, than we find ourselves grabbing for it. Our hands, feet, and tongue work so freely that we have no doubt that our thoughts are the sole master of our body, and that these thoughts are the "I" itself. But, when we try to measure and manage everything through thought alone, we find that things do not work out well and we suffer in the end. For example: I can enjoy a delicious feast placed in front of me as much as I like, but if I want to digest it quickly and smoothly, my stomach might not be able to do. I can take a digestive medicine or see a doctor if I wish. That is possible. In a situation where the doctor cannot do anything and the medicine doesn't help, I can no longer do as I like, and I must suffer.
When we consider these facts carefully, we come to understand that our thoughts are neither the masters of our bodies nor the "I" itself. It would be better to think of thoughts as secretions produced by our brains, just as salivary glands secrete saliva and the stomach secretes gastric juice. In any case, the sense of "I" which is produced by thought is not the master of the individual.
If you realize that your activities are not based on thought alone, you let go of thought. Strangely enough, whether you think about it or not, the heavy meal in your stomach gets digested completely. When sleeping, we continue breathing the necessary number of breaths per minute and the "I" continues to live. What on earth is this "I"? I can't help but feel that this "I" is the self that is connected with the universe. In the spring, shoots come out of the ground. In the fall, leaves turn colors and drop from the trees. All these things are an expression of the life force of the true self.

About the anxieties of life

Sawaki Roshi: I can't help a human being who is not able to live without money.

Uchiyama Roshi: One day about ten years ago, the manager of one of the biggest banks in the center of a big city came to visit and revealed his agony to me. He said, "My retirement is drawing near, and I'm so worried about getting old that I can't sleep." In spite of myself, I replied, "You ask too much! You, of all people, draw a large salary every month and also a regular bonus. So, I'm sure you have savings. Look at my situation. I have never had a fixed income. I have no savings. Everyday I go begging like a stray dog and live out my life thinking, 'Anyway, it is all right if this day passes.' No matter how many years I continue this kind of life, I will not get any bonus, any retirement allowance, or any pension. Your anxiety for your old age is no match for mine. Your idea is to first estimate how many more years you will live, then multiply that by your salary and bonuses. If you see that you will have the necessary amount of cash in front of you, then you will feel safe. But it is impossible to feel safe in that way, so you have no choice but to feel nervous.
A person who considers himself to be very important and lives thinking, 'Me, Me, Me' cannot be satisfied with this life. Everyone thinks that if they try hard to make life easier, they'll succeed, but then worrying about that becomes the problem. That kind of person usually suffers more than others. This is quite strange. In proportion to his concern for himself, he cannot stop thinking that things in this world never go as he wants them to, and he feels pressed and anxious and his troubles become bigger and bigger. If you can see that this world doesn't exist only for you and give up your self-centeredness, you might come to appreciate the good things that you receive, just as in begging." After talking with him, I thought, "For some people, suffering is a luxury."

About blessings

Sawaki Roshi: Heaven and Earth give themselves. Air, water, plants, animals, and humans give themselves to each other. It is in this giving-themselves-to-each-other that we actually live. Whether you appreciate it or not, it is true.

* * *

The world in which people give and receive things without saying "Give it to me!" is the truly beautiful world. It differs from the world of scrambling for things. It is vast and boundless.

Uchiyama Roshi: In the Bible it says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from the will of your Father." 99.99 percent of our necessities come as a gift from heaven and earth, from the ten thousand things, from the universe; but 0.01 percent of the things we need can become objects of greed. Air, light, temperature, water, etc., all these things which we have received since our birth are not only indispensable to human life, they are blessings. Only when we see that even though we have never rendered any service to the universe but have nevertheless received immeasurable blessings without which we could not survive, only when we diminish our greed toward that 0.01 percent of our necessities and live our lives with the sincere intention to do whatever we can for everything and everybody, only then shall we find the vast, calm way in front of us.

Sawaki Roshi: Serve the Ten Directions with the attitude "I don't covet anything!" This is the vast offering.

Uchiyama Roshi: Before I became a monk, I looked at the world of scrambling and struggling for money and felt suffocated by it. Fortunately, I met Sawaki Roshi, who was a living example of "I don't covet anything," and I came to understand that I too, could live without coveting things and scrambling with others for money. I am grateful that he showed me the pressure-free way of life, how to breath deeply, as if I were a fish that had returned to the water, and I have tried to live my life with the hope that I could also be a living example of "I don't covet anything," and that I could truly serve the Ten Directions.

Connecting with the whole universe

Sawaki Roshi: Zazen is the way through which you can connect with the whole universe.

* * *

Samadhi is to work constantly for all beings at every moment, living as the whole universe.

* * *

To get satori is not by any means to go to a special place, but to be natural.

Uchiyama Roshi: Sawaki Roshi often mentioned the "self which is connected with the universe" and the "self of the whole universe" or the "universal self." Hearing his words, someone might think that by doing zazen one can feel as though their body and mind become the size of the universe. But that's not what he meant. If during zazen you do feel that, it's a delusion, or makyo. (Makyo literally means world of the devil.) Buddhism never discusses the size of space. As long as you compare big and small, you have a half-baked view point. To give up one's limited, egocentric thoughts is the only way to live that life which is connected with the universe, right now, right here.

Sawaki Roshi: It is impossible for a fish to say, "I have swum the whole water," and it is impossible for a bird to say, "I have flown the whole sky." But fish do swim the whole water and birds do fly the whole sky. Both killifish (Medaka in Japanese, which is often used as an example of the smallest fish.) and whales swim the whole water. It is not a matter of quantity, but of quality. We work with our hands and feet within a radius of only three feet, but we work in the whole heaven and earth.

Uchiyama Roshi: When you go to a public bath, the public bath is the whole universe for you. There is a way to take a bath which is connected with the univese. If you are considerate to the people there, and if you think about the people who will come later, and take a bath without disturbing anyone, that is the way to take a bath which is connected with the whole universe. Getting on a streetcar, working at one's job, and living at home must all be found within the way which is connected with the whole universe. Before we go about structuring these activities as etiquette, or morality, we must see how they emerge spontaneously from the dynamism of life itself.

Sawaki Roshi: Since all things are the contents of the self, we should conduct ourselves carefully, considering other people's feelings.

The true "I" is not the product of thought

Sawaki Roshi: The true "I" is not the "I" that is the product of thought. That's it!

Uchiyama Roshi: In the Analects, Confucius said, "I don't want to say anything. The four seasons come round and the hundred things grow. What does Heaven say?" This does not seem like other things Confucius said. But when I think of this saying as reflecting the state of mind he reached in his latter years, it does not seem strange to me.

And in the poem or Ryokan:

As my will
What can I leave?
In spring, flowers
In summer, cuckoos.
And in fall, maple leaves.

If you look at the words of Confucius and Ryokan in the light of Sawaki Roshi's expression, "The true 'I' is not the 'I' that is the product of thought," you might come to understand what they mean.
Precisely because the self is beyond thought, it cannot be defined. Don't you see that the true "I" is beyond the scope of human consciousness? It is the self which is connected with the universe. It is "The four seasons come round" and it is "In spring, flowers. In summer, cuckoos. And in fall, maple leaves." This "I" is not the "I" which is jealous of others' happiness and glad at others' sadness, thinking, "Why don't things like that ever happen to me?" or "Good! That did not happen to me." It is the "I" which rejoices over others' happiness and sorrows at others' unhappiness.

Sawaki Roshi: Discussions about the root of delusion take place after the "I" arises.

* * *
Most people complain about being busy. What are they so busy with? They are busy only because they are caught up in their worldly desires, that's all.

* * *

The real state of things (ultimate existence jisso) is settled, resolved, at peace. There's nothing at stake and nothing to be deluded by.

Too much information and the abundance of life

Sawaki Roshi: When you accept the transitory world as the content of zazen, you might see buddha-dharma quite clearly and your life will become richer. No matter how much you suffer in the transitory world, you cannot enrich your life.

Uchiyama Roshi: Once a woman said to me, "You know quite a lot about the world even though you stay in your temple most of the time." I wonder how her statement can be true. Perhaps there are not many people my age who are as innocent of the world as I am. Up until now (and I am 60 years old), I have worked for a salary for only half a year; the rest of the time I had nothing to do with the world, but have spend my life doing zazen, begging, cleaning the temple, weeding the garden, making fire wood, and cooking. I read newspapers, but have no radio or TV, so there's no reason why I should know much about what goes on in society. But considering the people who come to me for advice about their troubles, or who come to tell me that they are impressed with my writing, it seems that I know more about human society than people in the world do.
People get so much information and experiene so much excitement everyday, and are so paralyzed by it all that they cannot see the logical connections to the roots of events. They have often seen violent debates in the National Diet on TV, and their senses have become numb from seeing them. They just watch TV thinking, "Oh well, the National Diet is that kind of place." If you lead a life of zazen in a temple, not watching TV, and you happen to see such a scene, naturally you would be surprised by it. You would come to understand that this world is an absurd place when you see that even in national politics, problems are resolved with the kind of sordid violence you might find in Kamagasaki, one of the biggest slums in Osaka. If you live in a noisy situation, you cease to notice the noise. If you are in a quiet place, leading a life of zazen in a temple, you can perhaps see the true face of the world.

Sawaki Roshi: Unless you see the "human" from a non-human point of view, you will never understand the truth.

That which lives out one's life is only oneself

Sawaki Roshi: As far as you can see, there is only you and there is nothing else but you. It is not as if you could ask someone to share your weariness, or to bear your pain for you.

Uchiyama Roshi: Recently, there was an incident in which a man enticed several young women to take a drive with thim; he then beat them and killed them. Why did he do such a thing? He had been in prison; when he was released after doing his time, he found that his wife had left him and society considered him an outcast. It seems that the motive for this crime was revenge. In the newspaper, he was reported to have said that he wanted to show people how bad a cynical man, who had been cast out by his family and society, could become. After getting out of prison, he decided to ba as bad as possible.
I don't know what kind of circumstances he grew up in, but this kind of attitude can often be seen in overprotected children. Overprotected children never learn to control their desires. After growing up, they can't slam the brake on their desires, and naturally they crash. Because their parents always make up for their blunders, they grow up without ever learning that it is only oneself who lives out one's life. When they have fallen into some costly predicament from which their parents are unable to extricate them, they think, "All right. I'll try to be as bad as possible." They act only in defiance of their parents and society. They ruin their own lives, thereby destroying what is truly essential.
These overprotected children only consider themselves in relation to others and are unable to arrive at the true self, or "I will live my own life." When they experience difficulties, they can't endure their troubles and lack the flexibility they need to regain their footing. Because it's impossible to live our lives without mistakes and problems, I hope that we will have the clarity we need to endure our troubles when we meet difficult situations, and that we can regain our footing, knowing that we have the life energy that allows us to do it. Again, I repeat: that which lives out one's life is nothing but oneself.

A crook slips into a vacant house

Sawaki Roshi: Once a monk asked the priest Ryuge, "What did a man of old get that put an end to his activity?" Ryuge replied, "It's as if a brigand steals into an empy room." Since the crook slips into an empty room, he cannot steal anything. There is no need to escape. Nobody is chasing him. Nothing to it. Know well this, "Nothing to it."

* * *

Satori is like "A crook slips into a vacant house." There is nothing to steal. He does not need to escape. Nobody chases him. He finds no satisfaction in the vacant house.

Uchiyama Roshi: Sawaki Roshi often spoke about a crook slipping into a vacant house. One fellow who heard him wrote that Sawaki Roshi had said, "When you do zazen, you should not do it like a crook slipping into a vacant house, because there's no gain in that." When I read this, I was quite amazed by his misunderstanding. If Sawaki Roshi were alive and saw that, I can imagine how he would react! What Buddhist scriptures have to say is totally different from ordinary literature and discussion. So it is very important that you listen carefully to a teacher and read scriptures with a calm mind. I would like to suggest that you not try to understand them on your own authority.
This "crook slips into a vacant house" is Sawaki Roshi's modern translation of Ryuge's words, "As if a brigand steals into an empty room," and the answer to the question, "Where is the place in which we stop all of our activity?" or "Where is the true refuge in our lives?" For all his effort, the thief stole into a vacant house. There is nothing to steal, nobody who chases him, no need to escape. There is nothing but the self which is only the self in the vacant house.
At this time, no give and take and no relations to others exist, so you might not be encouraged, and you might feel as if something were missing. But satori, the final place to settle down in one's life, is to take the basic attitude, "That which lives out my life is nothing other than myself." Satori is only to settle down here and now.

A thief's deed and Buddha's deed

Sawaki Roshi: Once someone came and asked me, "When we do zazen, perhaps it's true that we manifest Buddha, like you said. But when we don't do zazen, are we then just ordinary people?" If it were like that, do you think then that when you are stealing something, you are a crook, but when you aren't stealing, you are not a crook? You can eat rice in order to commit a robbery or in order to practice zazen. Is it the same or different? Although one steals something only once, society casts him out; although one does zazen for only one period, he does zazen forever.

* * *

How could it be that only Goemon Ishikawa is a crook and one who commits a theft on the impulse of the moment is not a crook? Anyone who commits a theft on the impulse of the moment is surely a crook. In the same way, not only Shakyamuni Buddha is a Buddha, but also one who does zazen imitating a Buddha is a Buddha.

Uchiyama Roshi: Sawaki Roshi often referred to a "crook's deed" and a "Buddha's deed" when he talked about zazen. I would like to examine his explanation of a crook's deed and a Buddha's deed because it clarifies the difference between the secular and the religious views of life.
Even though we might have more or less Buddha's view of life and Buddha's character, if we commit a theft on the impulse of the moment, imitating Goemon Ishikawa, then both in the worldly view and the religious view, we have committed a thief's deed forever. Moreover, in society, they take legal action against a criminal and treat him coldly and suspiciously for the rest of his life.
On the other hand, from the point of view of religion, even if you steal something on the impulse of the moment, you committed a criminal act that lasts forever, but that is not the end of the story. Even for one who has the blemish of a previous conviction resulting from his criminal deed, if he performs a Buddha's deed, imitating Shakyamuni Buddha, what's the result? Though he has more or less a criminal's view of life and character, his Buddha's deed is the cause of his everlasting salvation. To act, whether as a crook or as a Buddha, here, this very moment. Therefore, there is a gate of salvation for even the cruelest criminal.
What's the basic difference between the secular world and the religious world? In the secular world, people judge and evaluate each other. In the religious world there is no relationship to other people. It is the world of "the reality of the self" and "the self which is only the self." In the world in which people judge each other, there are superior people and inferior people, good people and bad people, but the reality of life is not so simple. In the religious world, as the reality of life, no one can be a crook from head to foot and no one can be a Buddha from head to foot. No matter how badly one has behaved, he can be redeemed from his sin, if he repents of it and comes to know his true self. Even one as great as Shakyamuni Buddha cannot save his good deeds for the future - - and cannot be fixed as a Buddha.
If we imitate a crook's deed right now, we become a crook. If we imitate a Buddha's deed right now, we become a Buddha. Whatever our past was, we should act as a Buddha, right now, right here. This and only this is the true direction of human life.

Sawaki Roshi: Zazen is not something you can pile up. Shinran rejected the idea of saving up nenbutsu. In Shin Buddhism, storing up practice is called jiriki konjo (self-power-spirit). Imagine someone saying, "Since the time I was very young, I have been honest. So lately, I have stopped being honest and started to steal from others." You cannot save up your good deeds.

* * *

Imitating Goemon Ishikawa, at the moment you steal something from someone, you become a crook. Imitating Buddha, when you do zazen, you become Buddha.

The "What am I going to do?" dance

Sawaki Roshi: There are some lines from a play: "What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Oh! What am I going to do?" For me, there isn't any need to ask, "What am I going to do?" because I see that nothing matters.

Uchiyama Roshi: This world is a place in which everyone is wiggling like a wiggler in a swamp, saying, "What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Oh! What am I going to do?" The root of this "What am I going to do?" dance is karma. In a word, karma is any action that we take in order to satisfy our desires. We act as we please, in accordance with our desires and only when things turn out just as we want do we grin. Whenever things don't tur out just as we want we dance around, saying, "Oh! What am I going to do?"
But, in fact, good luck and bad luck, happiness and unhappiness, right and wrong, good and bad in this world are not as you judge them according to your desires. They are not what you hear from others or what you think. If you really see this, you cannot but lose confidence in your own little thoughts and opinions. And losing confidence in your own little thoughts, you will, in the end, stop asking, "What am I going to do?" and you will come to understand that "nothing matters" is true. At this time, the source of suffering, the mind wondering, "Oh! What am I going to do?" will, strangely, disappear completely. Suffering is the frustration of desire, so whenever we act according to desire, agony and suffering appear in front of us like a cloud.

Sawaki Roshi: Although Amitabha always says to us, "That's good; don't worry. None of mankind will lose his way. Don't get irritated!" Still, mankind is always crying, "Oh! No! This is not good!"

* * *

Good luck and bad luck, rich and poor, good and bad -- in this world, people make much ado about them. The world beyond discrimination is hishiryo. It is letting go of human thought.

Aiming in emptiness

Sawaki Roshi: Human beings may stride in any direction: East, West, South, or North; whichever way they like.

* * *

Whatever one does expands through the ten directions. Eternity in the moment - - only this practice is important.

* * *

Once Rikyú Sen (1521-1591 - was the founder of the Senke-Chanoyu school. He mastered tea ceremony under Shojo Takeno and completed its development.) asked a carpenter to put a nail in an alcove post in a teahouse. After looking a long time for a suitable spot, they decided upon one and the carpenter marked it. But after taking a break for a few minutes, they could not find the mark. So they searched again for an appropriate location and deciding upon it a second time, said, "Ah! Here!" When they looked carefully, they found it was the vey spot that they had marked the first time. Don't you see? There is always a decisive aim which has no characteristics right in the middle of emptiness. A human face must also have it's decisive angle.

Uchiyama Roshi: Whichever way we go, we just life the self whih is only the self, and there is no direction forbidden to us. We had better stride finely wherever we go, without becoming nervous and with peace of mind. But, in the middle of emptiness, which demands no particular directions, there must be a decisive aim. No matter what we do, it expands through the ten directions; eternity exists in the moment.
People who live their wretched lives like I do, simply drive a nail in a haphazard way on the alcove post, without asking a carpenter. But for a person like Rikyú Sen, there is a way of driving a nail as emptiness. We are human beings who may stride in any direction: East, West, South or North, whichever way we like. Only when we actualize the self that expands through the ten directions and carry out the practice of eternity moment by moment, will the peace of mind of "the self which is only the self, no matter what happens," become real.

Sawaki Roshi: The truth of Buddhism is realized through practice; it is attained through the body. The way we govern the muscles and bones of our bodies must be an expression of zazen. With zazen as the basis, seeing that everything we encounter is the self, our attitude toward life is transformed. This is practice. It is within this practice that we discover true peace of mind.

 

ON KODO SAWAKI ROSHI'S ZAZEN

I associate Jinno-in with the memory of my late teacher, Kodo Sawaki. He often visited here. On his last trip to the Chugoku and Kyushu areas he came to Jinno-in and gave a lecture on the theme, "Others are not me." It was recorded by a reporter from the Asahi and appeared in the "Page of the mind" section of the newspaper.
After travelling in Kyushu, he returned to Tokyo and prepared for a trip to Tohoku. His first destination was Ofunato, but when he arrived there, he saw that he was unable to continue. He returned to Tokyo and sent me a telegram which read, "Come and pick me up." I Immediately went to Tokyo and took him to Kyoto. From then on, he stayed in Kyoto, spending his final days at Antaiji. In my mind, Jinno-in was the last place Sawaki Roshi gave a lecture. That was the end of Spring, 1963.
I first listened to a dharma talk by Sawaki Roshi during the summer zazen gathering at Soji-ji in July, 1941. I was very impressed by it and immediately made up my mind to become his disciple. He instructed me to go to Daichuji in Tochigi Prefecture. I entered Daichuji in August and was ordained on December 8th, 1941. It was Pearl Harbor Day.
The reason I began to practice the buddha-way is a little different from that of most Buddhist priests. In the English textbook I studied as a first year student in middle school, I found the proverb that goes, "Don't live to eat, but eat to live." I suppose this was only an example of how to use an English infinitive, but I was really impressed by it. I deeply believed it to be true. The reading of that sentence was the beginning of my practice.
I'm almost seventy years old, and I have never lived to eat. I often told the American hippies that I have never lived to eat, never worked to earn money or pursued a livelihood. Even hippies were surprised to hear this, but it's true. The only job I've ever had was for six months as a teacher at the Christian School of Theology. My salary was eighty yen a month. Altogether, I earned four hundred and eighty yen. That was the only regular income I've ever received.
Nowadays, people say that everyone should earn a living. I think it's stupid. From my point of view, to spend one's whole life camping out is good enough. I have always thought that it was just fine if I could spend today without starving. I've lived nearly my whole life in this way, so I know it's possible. During World War Two however, a person with this sort of attitude was not fed and I had a very difficult time. Eventually, I became malnourished and was in bed at my parents' house for two months. But, I did not work to eat. The saying, "Don't live to eat, but eat to live" influenced my life to such a degree.
By the time I was a third year middle school student my attention became focused on the question, "What is the meaning of life?" I became completely absorbed in this, always asking, "What is life? What is life?" Studying for university entrance exams wasn't important to me, but I asked this question of everyone who seemed capable of thinking about it. Nearly all the people I asked said, "I don't know" or, "You are a strange boy, aren't you!" Occasionally, someone voiced an opinion, but their ideas were only about how to live comfortably or how to succeed in social climbing. No one could give me a satisfactory answer to my question.
I was born in Tokyo and often went to a Christian Church there. Christianity begins with God, Who created human beings. Human beings fall into sin and God, in the form of Jesus Christ, saves them. God is the first cause and foundation of everything. I also listened to lectures on Buddhism. I used to go to meetings where the famous Buddhist scholars of the day gave lectures every Saturday. According to those scholars, Buddhists seek awakening, or nirvana. The basic premise was that Buddhism is a teaching that has "becomning a Buddha" as its goal. For me, only my own life was important. I couldn't follow those talks on God and Buddha because they didn't have anything to do with that.
Although there weren't so many new religions in those days, I did look into a few. I was entirely disappointed by them because they only talked about the worldly benefits that could be gained if one believed in them. They also had nothing to do with my life. I realized that most people never think about the question of the self, that they never ask themselves, "What is the nature of one's own life based on the self?"
In ancient times, Japanese people thought that humanity and justice as emphasized in Confucianism was the supreme way. Later, when Buddhism was transmitted, they thought that the Buddha's teachings were the most respectable, so they followed those teachings by seeking nirvana. I can't help thinking that the situation was like that of a young man who can't find a suitable bride. Even though he is forced to marry a girl his parents find for him, he cherishes the illusion that she was his own choice and is the best possible mate. Japanese people worship whatever is handed to them as being supreme. They never consider the life of the self.
I lecture on Shobogenzo once a month in Kyoto. Dogen Zenji often used the term "buddha-dharma," especially in Shobogenzo. I'm disappointed by the fact that very few commentaries and lectures based on his writings discuss the meaning of buddha-dharma. Generally, when monks and scholars who comment on Dogen Zenji's writings encounter the term, they experience a lot of chaotic emotions and talk about it as an object of worship. They never try to figure out what it means. They don't see things through their own eyes. They don't start from the self.
Previously, religions were limited geographically. There was Christianity in the West, Buddhism in the East, and Hinduism and Islam in between. Today, besides the major religions, there are countless new religions which have appeared in waves. They have come about because religion can be a very lucrative business. Now that the world is becoming one society where religion is concerned, it's as if someone hit a beehive or as if a toy box was turned over and religions, like toys, are scattered everywhere.
We have no yardstick to measure with in order to find true religion. It's like shopping in a supermarket. We buy a god after checking around and figuring out how much money we can spend. As a middle school student I was smart enough to realize that the only thing I could do was to live out the reality of my own life. However, at that time I didn't understand the nature of that reality.
There is a phrase famous in Shobogenzo-Genjokoan, "To study the buddha-way is to study the self." When I first encountered these words, I saw that I was not the only person who tried to live his life starting from the self. Dogen Zenji lived in that way. Also, Shakyamuni left home and became a monk because he was troubled with his own life; he had to pursue his own self.
Later, I also read Shobogenzo-Jishozanmai, where Dogen Zenji talks of similar things. Early in that work, he says, "When we follow a teacher or a sutra, we follow the self." This means that when we practice with a teacher who has preceeded us in the way or study the sutras, we are only following the self. In Dogen Zenji's words, "The sutras are by nature the sutras of the self. The teacher is by nature the teacher is "myself." When we study a sutra, the sutra is nothing other than "my own self."
Dogen Zenji continues, "Therefore, to visit teachers widely is to visit the self widely." Ancient practitioners, wearing a bamboo hat, black robes and straw sandals, travelled to visit teachers. To travel in that way in order to find a true teacher is to seek the self. They didn't stop travelling until they found the true teacher.
Later on, Dogen Zenji says, "To grasp various grasses is to grasp the self. To grasp various trees is to grasp the self." This means that when you grasp some grass or a tree or whatever you encounter, you only encounter the self. In these two sentences the most important thing is fully expressed. All things exist as my own life experience. Because I see this, everything does in fact exist as my own life experience. I live only through my experience of these things. The reality of all things and the reality of my own self are one and the same.
Dogen Zenji also says, "We must study the self with such a practice." The reality of the life of the self is like this. And, "Within this practice we drop off the self and truly encounter the self." When we practice with whatever we encounter as "my own life" we encounter the true self.
Further on, Dogen Zenji says, "However, when one hears of the way of self-enlightenment by the self, a stupid person thinks that he should not receive dharma-transmission from a teacher and should study the way by himself. This is a great mistake." On hearing that we only study the self through everything we encounter, a shallow person might think that it isn't necessary to practice with a teacher. This is entirely wrong. According to Dogen Zenji, "One who is without transmission from a teacher and thinks that his own discriminating understanding is the truth is the non-Buddhist who places emphasis on 'naturalness.'" Such a person lives only according to his own limited, ill-gotten ideas; he does not study the self.
From ancient times there have been people who sought the self in the true sense. Certainly, it would have been foolish of me if I had only followed my own narrow ideas. Unless I wholeheartedly practiced with a person who had truly and completely researched the self, I would never be able to understand my true self. When I reached this conclusion, I finally made up my mind to become a monk and practice Zen.
In response to my decision my father said, "You are a rather controversial person. It's no good to follow a half-baked teacher," and he tried to find a good roshi for me. Finally he recommended Sawaki Roshi who was then the godo (The officer in a Zen monastery who is in charge of instructing monks) at Sojiji. He told me to go to the summer zazenkai, and if I thought Sawaki Roshi was a good teacher, to ask him about being his disciple. So, as I said before, I participated in the summer Zazenkai at Sojiji in 1941.
It was the first time I had ever encountered a person who spoke clearly about the self for which I had been searching. Although I had listened to a lot of lectures on Buddhism and Christianity, those talks had nothing to do with the self. Sawaki Roshi talked about the self based on the self. During the zazenkai, I eagerly recorded his lectures. When I went home I summarized his teachings according to the notes I had taken. Now, when I look at my summary, I think it was pretty well-done.

1. The buddha-dharma is the ultimate way of life.
2. To practice zazen is to become the transparent self.
3. To practice zazen is to do self by the self with the self.
4. To practice zazen is to become the self which is one with the universe.
5. Zazen is good for nothing.

It's pretty good I think, even though I wrote it after hearing Sawaki Roshi for the very first time, before becoming a monk, and without knowing anything about zazen.
I would now like to explain the items I summarized from my present point of view.

The buddha-dharma is the ultimate way of life

As I said at the beginning, my ish was to live the truth. But, what is truth? It was something I couldn't clearly understand. Sawaki Roshi expressed it by saying that it is "the ultimate way of life," or "the most refined way of life." Most people live their lives based on random, fraudulent and incomplete views. They never live the ultimate truth.
After I became a monk and studied Buddhism, I found that this expression was not Sawaki Roshi's original creation. However, he spoke on good authority. In Shobogenzo-Kiesanbo we read, "Question: Why should we take refuge solely in these three (treasures)? Reply: Because they are the ultimate place to return (hikkyo-kisho)." The Three Treasures means the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. Hikkyo means "after all" or "ultimately." Why should we believe in the Buddha's teaching? Because the Buddha's teaching is where we must ultimately return.
Also, in Shobogenzo-kesakukoku we read, "Our belongings and dwellings are not real because they were created by previous karma. Just take refuge in the correctly transmitted buddha-dharma. This is the true place to return to." What are we thinking? The world we dwell in is the result of our previous karma. We talk big and say, "From my point of view," but we think as we do only because we're influenced by previous conditions. Thinking based on the past cannot be the ultimate point of view. Dogen Zenji said to just take refuge in the correctly transmitted buddha-dharma, where the true self returns.
In the constitution established by Prince Shotoku, we read, "We should respect the Three Treasures. These are the refuge for all four kinds of living beings and the ultimate foundation for all countries." The four kinds of living beings are those born from a womb, from an egg, from moisture, and from metamorphosis; that is, all living beings. For all living beings, the Three Treasures are the final refuge and they are the final goal for all nations.
As I said before, people's lives today are based on their random, fraudulent, and incomplete views of life. Why do they live in that way? They do so simply from the force of habit. That's the stupidity of sheep. People often get all excited trying to get what they want, but only seek material things. That's the stupidity of desire.
Sawaki Roshi often talked about "group stupidity." This refers to the activities of a collection of people who pursue something that they think is important to a group that they identify with. There are various forms of group stupidity. There are salaried workers, who live only to labor for the benefit of their companies. That's the stupidity of organization. There are other people who live only for the sake of some "ism" or ideology. That's the stupidity of argumentation. Many people think that they must compete with each other in order to survive in the world. They force their children to study more and more, so they can be "winners" in the struggle. That's the stupidity of competition. All these people life according to their random, fraudulent and incomplete views of life. The truly important thing is to start from the self and live the ultimate way of life. Everything rests on this.

To practice zazen is to become the transparent self

There are various ways of practicing zazen. The essence of Dogen Zenji's zazen is transprentness. In one of the new religions in Japan, people practice a kind of meditation called "Contemplation on God." During their meditation they visualize themselves as sons of God and ask Him to cure illness. This kind of pratice is colored by a desire for healing. If you practice zazen in order to gain enlightenment, zazen is colored by the desire for enlightenment. Dogen Zenji's zazen must be completely transparent. What is the transparent practice of zazen? In Fukanzazengi, Dogen Zenji wrote, "Think of not-thinking. How do you think of not-thinking? Beyond thinking." What does this mean?
In our minds thoughts are always arising. This is thinking or discrimination. It's not real because it's influenced by karma. Does this mean that we should strive to eliminate thoughts? Is the condition of "no thinking" real? Absolutely not! As long as we are alive, thoughs will naturally arise. But if we chase after the thoughts that arise in our minds, we are merely thinking. We are not practicing zazen. Needless to say, zazen is not thinking. Neither is it being without thoughts. The point is to allow all thoughts to come up freely. Just let them come and go without trying to stop them. When they go away, let them go freely. Don't chase after them. This is the essence of Dogen Zenji's zazen. This is why he said that zazen is the true form of the self in Shobogenzo-zuimonki.
Dogen Zenji expressed the transparentness of zazen with the phrase, "undefiled practice-enlightenment." To be undefiled is very difficult. When I say I am not defiled, I am defiled. If I want to become transparent, I am not transparent. Transparentness, or being undefiled, is very difficult to realize. I'll discuss this again when I take up the fifth item, "Zazen is good for nothing."

To practice zazen is to do self with the self by the self

For a long time I felt that I didn't understand this saying of Sawaki Roshi's. Eventually, it became clear that "to do self" with the self by the self" or "to be intimate with the self" meant to live the reality of the true self. To live the reality of the true self is to see the value of the self within the self. In 1969 an American visited me. He was a company president. "I have a good family," he said. "Financially, I'm rich, but I can't help feeling empty and lonely these days. Why is this so?" I replied, "It is because you don't really know who you are. You do not become yourself."
Ordinarily, one sees oneself as a parent in relation to one's children, as a husband or wife in relation to one's spouse. At work, you define yourself in terms of your position. Within your company, you are a subordinate in relation to your superiors, a boss to your subordinates. You are a salesman in relation to your customers. Compared to a competent person, you are a fool. You are poor when you compare yourself to a millionaire. You decide who you are within a relationship or in comparison to others, and you believe that the figure you create in this way is yourself.
The company president thought of himself as a successful businessman, but that was only an image that he created based on his relation to others. When he tried to see himself without comparing himself to others, he could find nothing definite to refer to as himself and he suddenly felt empty and lonely. It is only through clinging passionately to the figure created within relationship to others that most people avoid feelings of emptiness and loneliness.
I heard an interesting story the other day. During a phone call someone asked to speak to Director Tanaka. The person who received the call said, "Hey, Tanaka, this guy wants to speak with Director Tanaka!" This was heard by the person who made the call. Actually, Tanaka was not a director, but only a section head. However, Tanaka's voice sounded quite pleased because the caller referred to him as Director Tanaka. He mistook a position in a company for himself. He believed that the judgements of others have real value.
However, as it is written in the Sutta-nipata, "One who relies on others is always restless." As long as you rely on others, you are conditioned by others. When others move, you also have to move. Suppose that you have a certain amount of wealth and expect to live comfortabley after retirement. The value of your money decreases year after year, even if you keep it in a bank. You can't help being upset when you think about the future. If you expect your children to take care of you when you are too old to take care of yourself, it's not certain that they'll be able to afford it.
There is a story about Shakyamuni Buddha's final days. The Buddha was very old. On his last journey, attended only by Ananda, he became sick. The Buddha said, "I'm tired, please prepare a place for me to lay down." Ananda made a bed in the shade of a big tree and the Buddha laid down and rested. After a while, he recovered a little, stood up, and began to walk. After walking a short distance, ha again said, "I'm tired" and laid down again. Ananda became very upset and wanted to call other disciples, but the Buddha didn't allow him to do so. As his last teaching, the Buddha left the following words, "Take refuge in the self. Take refuge in the Dharma. Do not take refuge in anything else."
In the Dhammapada we read, "The self is the master of the self. Who else can that master be? With the self fully subdued, one obtains the sublime refuge which is difficult to achieve." (160) Ultimately, the self is the basis of the Buddha's teaching. "To be settled in the self" is expressed by Sawaki Roshi as, "to do self with the self by the self." In the same way it is expressed by Dogen Zenji as "the samadhi of the self" (jijuyu-zanmai).
When I began sesshin at Antaiji after Sawaki Roshi passed away, I decided to wholeheartedly carry out his teaching by giving it the fullest possible form of expression. While he was alive, we got up in the morning and sat one period and then chanted sutras. After that, we had breakfast, then tea. After tea we went back to the zendo and after a little while, heard a lecture. We did many things mixed with zazen. Generally, sesshin are held in this way. However, I began a kind of sesshin in which we only sit zazen without doing anything else. We have three meals, but after eating we do kinhin. We just repeat zazen and kinhin all day long, from four in the morning to nine in the evening without interruption. No speaking. No relationship to others.
We don't use the kyosaku (hitting stick). If you sit only one or two periods, it's good to hit people with the kyosaku to wake them up. But when you sit all day, being the self without relationship to others, it's impossible to sleep from beginning to end for five days. Eventually you wake up. When you wake up, you sit seriously because you practice only for yourself, not for others. When the kyosaku is used it can become a kind of toy; people start to play with it, thinking, "He hit me. When it's my turn to carry the stick, I'll hit him back." We just sit together wholeheartedly as our own practice. We simply sit zazen and do self by the self with the self. It is not only during sesshin; throughout our lives we should be facing the wall. This has been my way of practice.
I became a disciple of Sawaki Roshi in 1941 and followed him for twenty five years until his death in 1965. During that period I never received a salary. I wasn't paid one yen. I nver got a bonus, lump sum retirement grant, or retirement pension. I didn't get a priest's license. I encourage my disciples to practice in the same way. No matter how long they stay at Antaiji, they will never get a license, salary, retirement grant or pension. Yet, they should go on practicing zazen silently for then years. This is a pretty severe practice. It's common for monks to say they have a hard practice because they sit firmly and are hit by the kyosaku, but that way of practice is very incomplete.
I became a monk when I was thirty years old. By the time I was forty, my friends from elementary school, middle school and university already had good positions in society. I used to beg (takuhatsu) in Takatsuki, a city about half way between Kyoto and Osaka. A friend of mine from Waseda University was the mayor of the city. I'll never forget it. I begged and received one yen or five yen coins or ten yen bills one by one in the streets of the city where my old friend was the mayor. Now he's a member of the House of Councilors in the National Diet or something like that. Also, a friend of mine from middle school was the factory manager at Mitsubishi Automobile Company in Kyoto at that time. He said that he was in charge of five thousand workers. I was a novice monk until I was fifty five years old. I had only little jobs, like cooking rice in the temple kitchen.
From the point of view of human sentiment, it's a very severe practice, just facing the wall for twenty or thirty years without any bait and no return. Nonetheless, I tell my disciples that they should sit silently for ten years. There are several people here who have already been sitting for ten years, so I must say, "Sit silently for ten more years." When they have sat for twenty years, I will say, "Sit another ten years." If they sit for thirty years, people in their twenties will be in their fifties. If they sit immovably, without any bait, until they are fifty years old, I'm pretty sure that they will be very capable people who will be able to carry out great work. If I tell them in the beginning to sit for thirty years, they are astonished. So, first I tell them to sit for ten years, then I tell them to sit for ten more years. Some of my disciples are at this stage. But if they sit for twenty years, another ten years is not difficult at all, because by then they will have confidence.
It's wonderful to keep sitting where there is no bait at all. Why is it wonderful? While one just sits facing the wall for twenty or thirty years, one will actualize the self that is only the self without relationship to others and find the value of the self only within the self. If one doesn't find the value of the self within the self, it's impossible to continue sitting under such conditions.
Ordinarily, people think that their value as persons is based on the judgements of others. They find their personal value in the size of their salaries. If they have some kind of professional title they think that they are important. When they own a business, they become more valuable if sales increase. They are merely playing with toys.
Right now, completely stop playing with toys and sit as the self that is unrelated to others. To practice zazen is to do self with the self by the self. This means to find one's value as a person within the self and to truly become the reality of life. This is the foundation of the samadhi of the self (jijuyu-zanmai).

To practice zazen is to beome the self which is one with the universe

Usually, we assume that we understand ourselves. But the self that we think we understand is the self in relation to others. There are four billion human beings on the earth at this moment, so I am one out of four billion others. If we calculate the number of human beings in the past and future, I am one out of innumerable others. Recently, I read somethin like the following in the newspaper: You have two parents. Your parents have two parents each. If you count your ancestors, generation by generation and go back forty generations, their numbers become several billions.
I don't know if it's true or not, but it is said that the present emperor is the one hundred and twentieth. Forty generations is one third of the history of the emperor's family. If we suppose that one generation is thirty years, that takes us back twelve hundred years. It's amazing to realize that there are billions and billions of ancestors in such a short period of time. And that's only human beings. If we count all the living beings on the earth, "others" for each of us is really countless. The earth is only one planet in a solar system which is part of a much larger galactic system. There are two hundred billion permanent stars in our galaxy alone and there are a googol of galactic systems in the known universe. "I" in relationship to "others" amounts to almost nothing. We may carelessly kill ants walking on the ground by stepping on them. Each one of us, as an individual who is one out of all, is really much smaller than one of the ants. We're really nothing.
Sometimes, politicians say that human life is more valuable than anything. They say wonderful things to win our hearts in certain situations. It's a big mistake to believe them. They don't actually believe their own words. If a war like World War Two breaks out, they might tell you that your life is worth a cent and a half. They could press you into service just by sending you a postcard and send you to the battlefield. When they say that your life is worth one and a half cents, your life has at least a little value. But in reality, "I" out of a googol of beings has less value than a colon bacillus. "All beings" is a infinite as this. And yet, all beings exist because I exist. There must be the life-experience of the self as the basis of everything.
The self is the basis of the life-experience of all beings. All beings exist because the self exists. For you, this world exists only because you are alive. Each and every one of us are living the life which is "all out of all". At the same time, we are living as individuals or "one out of all." This is the nature of the self. In zazen, "I" as "one out of all" is facing the self which is "all out of all." As the magnetic needle of a compass always points precisely north, within myself, I face precisely "all out of all." This is the meaning of "becoming the self which is one with the universe." This isn't just theory. It is reality. How can we actually feel it?
When I was still at Antaiji, one of my disciples made a flower bed and planted a lot of tulips. When spring came they grew quickly and blossomed in many colors all at once. There were red ones, yellow ones, blue ones, purple ones, black ones, and orange ones. All of them were very brightly colored. They were so beautiful! One warm and peaceful spring day I looked at them and thought, "How do all of these different colors come out of the same soil?" It was really wondrous. After a while I realized that those colors did not come only from the soil. The tulips absorbed carbon dioxide from the air and the light and warmth of the sun. I saw that even a little tulip blossom came out of the whole universe. Since then, I have been using the expression, tenchi-ippai (universe-full). During that spring day, I watched peaceful clouds drifting across the sky and was moved to write:

Clouds - - A Poem of Life

Clouds
suddenly appear out of the whole universe
and disappear into the whole universe.
Floating absentmindedly with a smile,
some flow peacefully and quietly.
Others evolve violently and laugh darkly,
inviting thunder and roar.
Spring clouds moisten the earth.
Monsoon clouds sweep with long rain.
Snow clouds remorse in winters deep silence.
Typhoons filled with hatred run wild.
Clouds swirl and storms blow
as if trying to kill all beings
and sometimes
the clouds all disappear,
leaving only the deep blue sky
that presents no obstacles.

Clouds
suddenly appear out of the whole universe
and disappear into the whole universe.
These clouds,
the original form of all living beings.
The whole universe is nothing
but life.

It is very interesting to watch clouds. Each cloud that suddenly appears has its own unique form of expression. Each one of them takes a different shape. We human beings are the same. We are completely like clouds. Sawaki Roshi once said, "Everyone in this world is just gathering clouds." This is true. Money is like clouds. People compete with each other for money and status, but sooner or later they all suddenly disappear. They are only gathering clouds.
However, we should understand that the foundation from whih all cloud-like things suddenly appear is the life of the whole universe.
A little later I wrote this poem:

The Heart of Nenbutsu

I eat food from the garden
of the universe.
I drink water from the fountain
of the universe.
I breathe the air of the whole universe.
My life comes out of the whole universe.
Being pulled by the gravitational force
of the whole universe
I become pure and clear.
The whole universe is where I return.

The food we eat, grains vegetables, fruit, and meat, all appear out of the whole universe. We drink water from the whole universe. We breathe air from the whole universe. Everything, without exception, comes from the whole universe. We are pliantly pulled by the gravitational force of the whole universe and become pure and clear with the whole universe. The whole universe is where we return.

This whole universe is called Amida (Amitabha, in Skt.). Amitabha means infinite life or limitless light. Food, air, water, everything is a gift from Amitabha. We are living the life of Amitabha. This is the function of the gravitational force of Amitabha. It is called the original vow. Being influenced by the original vow, I become pure and clear in Amitabha. In Buddhism, the term "faith" (shin) means to be pure and clear. Being pulled by the gravitational force of the whole universe, we become pure and clear with the whole universe. This is faith. We also say, "namu" (Skt. namas) which means, "returning to the true life of the self" or "the self which is one with the universe." The foundation of practice is the self constantly functioning as the life of the whole universe, just as the magnetic needle of a compass always points north.
Namu-Amidabutsu (Taking Refuge in Amitabha-Buddha) is another poem I wrote.

Namu-Amidabutsu

Amida is "infinite."
Wherever, whatever happens,
it takes place within my life.
Namu is "to return to life,"
paying no attention
to what I might think
or what I might believe,
being pulled
by the gravitational fore
of the absolute reality
that is my life.
Through body, speech and mind,
always here and now,
functioning as
Namu-Amidabutsu.
This is Butsu,
a mature human being.

Amitabha doesn't exist because I think he exists. Amitabha-Buddha exists without being concerned about whether I believe in him or not. Regardless of what I think or believe, Amitabha is universe-full. Being pulled by the original vow which is the absolute reality of Amitabha, I function through my own body, speech and mind. This is Buddha. "Buddha" means an adult, a truly mature person.
Everyone smiles when their desires are fulfilled and complains when things go against their wishes. Even though they are physically mature, human beings tend to be as childish as hungry ghosts. Spiritually, they never evolve beyond that condition. A person who is only physically mature is a phony adult. Buddha is not something special. Buddha is a mature human being. Dogen Zenji made this very clear in Shobogenzo-hachidainingaku (Eight Awareness of a True Adult). Practice, as taught by Dogen Zenji means to become an adult in the true meaning of the word.
In short, zazen is to stop doing anything; to face the wall and sit, just being the self that is only the self. When doing zazen we should refrain from doing anything. Yet, being human we begin to think. The thoughts in our minds create a kind of dialogue. If you are a stockbroker you might think, "I should have sold it then. No! I should have bought it, " or "I should have waited for a while." If you are a young lover, you might find that your girlfriend appears all the time. If you are a mother-in-law who doesn't get along with her daughter-in-law, you might think only of your son's wife. Whatever situation you are involved in, thoughts will arise of their own accord in relation to it while you are doing zazen. When you realize that you are thinking when you are supposed to be doing nothing and return to zazen, the thoughts that appeared before you as clearly as if they were images on a TV screen suddenly disappear, as if you had switched off the TV. Only the wall is left in front of you. For an instant, that's it. This is zazen. Again, thoughts arise by themselves. Again, you return to zazen and they vanish. We simply repeat this. It is called kakusoku (awareness of reality). The most important point here is to repeat this kakusoku billions of times. This is how we should practice zazen.
If we practice in this way we cannot help but realize that our thoughts are really nothing but secretions of the brain. Just as our salivary glands secrete saliva and our stomachs secrete gastric jusices, so our brain secretes thoughts.
Usually, people do not understand this. When we thin, "I hate him!" we hate the person, forgetting that the thought is merely a secretion. Hatred occupies our mind, tyrannizing it. By hating the person we subordinate ourselves to this tyrant. When we love someone, we are swept away by our attachment to this person; we become enslaved by love. In the end, all of us live as vassals to this lord, thought. This is the source of all our problems.
Our stomachs secrete gastric juices in order to digest food. More is not better; if too much is secreted we could develop an ulcer or stomach cancer. Our stomachs secrete digestive juices to keep us alive, but an excess can be dangerous. Nowadays, people suffer from an excess of brain secretions and allow themselves to be tyrannized by them. This is the cause of all our mistakes.
In reality, the various thoughts which arise in our minds are nothing but the scenery of the life of the self. As I said earlier, we should not be blidnd to or unconscious of this scenery. Zazen commands a view of everything as the scenery of the life of the self. In ancient Zen texts, this is referred to as honchi-no-fuko (the scenery of original ground).
It is not because of our practice that we become universe-full life. Right now, we are all living it. Even though we are actually one with the whole universe, we don't manifest it in our lives. Because our minds constantly discriminate, we perceive only the tail of the brain's secretions. When we do zazen, we let go of thoughts and the thoughts fall away. That which arises in our minds, also disappears. There, universe-full life manifests itself. Dogen Zenji called this shojo-no-shu (practice based on enlightenment). Universe-full life is enlightenment. In our practice, we are the whole universe. This is called shusho-ichinyo (practice and enlightenment are one).
We all prefer happiness to misery, paradise to hell, survival to imminent death. We are thus ever bifurcating reality, dividing it into something good and something bad, something we like and something we don't. We discriminate between satori and delusion and strive to attain satori. But the reality of the universe is far beyond aversion and attraction. When our attitude is "whichever, whatever, wherever," then we manifest the whole universe. In the attitude of attempting to gain something we are unstable. When you strive to gain satori you are most definitely deluded because of your desire to escape your present condition.

Dogen Zenji taught that our attitude should be one of diligent practice in every situation that we encounter. If we fall into hell, we just go through hell; this is the most important attitude to have. When we encounter unhappiness, we work through it with sincerity. Just sit in the reality of life, seeing heaven and hell, misery and joy, life and death all with the same eye. No matter what the situation, we live the life of the self. We must sit immovably on that foundation. That is "becoming one with the universe."

Zazen is good for nothing

Sawaki Roshi ended a long talk on zazen by saying that it is good for nothing. People thought that he was joking. That however, was not the case. As I have already said; wherever, whatever happens, I live out my life. As long as I maintain this attitude, I cannot go anywhere. There is nowhere to go. Since I have nowhere to go, it is natural to say that zazen is good for nothing. There is nothing to gain from it because it is universe-full.
Shortly after I began to practice with Sawaki Roshi, I had an opportunity to walk with him in the town of Usunomiya. While we were walking, I said, "As you know, I'm a rather incompetent person, but I want to continue to practice zazen with you for twenty or even thirty years or until you die. If I do that, would it be possible for a weak person like me to become a little stronger?" Sawaki Roshi replied, "No! Zazen is useless." He had a loud, deep voice, was powerful and resolute. "I am not like this because of my practice of zazen," he continued, "I was like this before I began to practice. Zazen doesn't change a person. Zazen is useless." When I heard these words I thought to myself, "Although Sawaki Roshi said it wouldn't be possible, still I'll be able to improve myself." I followed him for twenty five years, until he passed away.
Sawaki Roshi passed away in December, 1965. While he was alive, I somehow relied on him. After he died, I couldn't do that anymore. Just after his death, I recalled the question I asked during our walk in Utsunomiya and asked myself the question. "Have I changed after practicing zazen with the roshi for twenty five years?" I realized that I hadn't really changed at all. In that moment it was natural for me to say to myself, "A violet blossoms as a violet, a rose blossoms as a rose." There are people like Sawaki Roshi who resemble tiny, pretty violet blossoms. Which is better? It's not a relevant question. I should blossom wholeheartedly, just as I am.
In conclusion, I am living out the universe-full life of absolute reality regardless of whether I think so or not, believe it or not, accept it, or reject it. The point of our practice is to manifest this universe-full life here and now. In this there is no judgement in regard to success and failure. If there is success and failure, I am then in relationship to others. However, since everything I encounter here and now is a part of my life, I shouldn't treat anything roughly. I should take care of everything wholeheartedly. I practice in this way. Everything I encounter is my life. "Where one attains one thing, one penetrates one thing when one encounters one practice, one cultivates one practice," is the way Dogen Zenji expressed it in Shobogenzo Genjokoan. When I encounter one thing, I practice one thing.
For example, when you climb a mountain, you climb moment by moment, one step at a time. It's not that you climb a mountain only when you reach the summit. To advance one step at a time is what's important. We live moment by moment, step by step. This is an activity of the whole universe. It is an activity which is good for nothing. It is practice-enlightenment without defilement. According to Shobogenzo-yuibutsuyobutsu, "undefiled" means to neither accept nor reject, to not discriminate. There is nothing to pick up or throw away. There is nowhere to go. Since it is universe-full, it cannot be defiled. With this pure life force within myself, I live always here and now, manifesting the whole universe. To just do this practice which is good for nothing is the meaning of the word shikan (justness). Dogen Zenji often used the word shikan "just doing" or "doing single-mindedly." This doesn't mean experiencing ecstasy or becoming mentally absorbed in some activity. To experience ecstasy or become mentally absorbed, some object or goal is needed. Shikan has no object. It is "just doing" as the pure life force of the self.
In our modern world, most people think in terms of competition with others in the struggle for existence, for money, or status, or power. But a true way of life has nothing to do with relationship to others. We are he self that is only the self. We do self with the self by the self. This self is universe-fll; it is one with the whole universe. Whoever, whatever I encounter is my life. We just do things with the true, pure life force of the self without expectation. We don't have to weep when we fail or fall behind in some kind of competition. There is no need to escape from anything or chase after anything because of a desire to gain happiness and to reject unhappiness. If we restlessly run this way and that, our lives are unstable.
Living straightforwardly with a dignified attitude, moved by the life force of the self that is one with the whole universe - - this is the way of life based on zazen that Sawaki Roshi taught.

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